Surviving Love
by 184
Summary: What if the events in Breaking Dawn had unraveled a little differently? Bella is back from her honeymoon expecting, but Edward & Carlisle want to terminate the pregnancy. With no one on her side, hope fails. Will Bella's marriage survive Edward's choice?
1. Preface

**Author's Note: First of all this story will deal with some sensitive subjects, I'm honestly considering upping the rating to "Mature" though it won't contain much of the smut and lemons you would normally encounter in that category. That being said, this isn't about my ideas, thoughts or opinions on the subject; it's about a story. I am going to take a little creative freedom here, so this won't mirror events exactly how they happened in Breaking Dawn. For example, in Braking Dawn Bella was only pregnant for a month, at most, and that really won't work for this so, I'm changing that. My updates probably won't be as frequent as my previous story, as this one requires more work to keep it as accurate and true to the original work as possible. **

**Alright, that being said, insert normal disclaimer here: I do not own any of the Twilight characters (though I fantasize frequently about owning several of them).**

Breaking Dawn: Book 2 (Jacob) pages 177-178 All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.

"_So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" I growled. "He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her."_

_He looked up and then answered me in a tired voice. Like he was explaining this to a kindergartener for the tenth time. "She won't let us."_

_It took a minute for the words to sink in. Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella._

"_You know her well," he whispered. "How quickly you see… I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened- that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet you understand after one second…" He half-sighed, half-groaned._

"_Just back up a second. She won't let you." The sarcasm was acid on my tongue. "Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred- and –ten- pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs."_

"_I wanted to," he whispered. "Carlisle would have…"_

* * *

Preface

I fought him with bleeding knuckles. I pounded into his chest, clawed at his glorious face and screamed my hate at him, "Put me down, you can't do this Edward!"

"You're not thinking right, Bella we're going to take care of you. Just settle down, I don't want you to hurt yourself," Edward spoke calmly back to me.

I continued my futile fight against him all the way back to the Cullen mansion. It was a place that used to be filled with joy and people I loved; not anymore. Tears streamed down my face as my hands moved instinctually to protect the unborn child that was growing in my womb. The child that Edward was about to kill.

I had nobody left on my side, and as it turned out, it was impossible to hide from a coven of seven vampires and six wolves determined to find me.

Edward slowed as he came into view of the house. He kept telling me that I would be alright, that it wouldn't hurt, that he would take care of me, as he carried me up the stairs.

"I don't care about me! Edward don't do this, please don't do this," I resorted to begging as he laid me out on the hospital bed.

I struggled, kicked and screamed more as he just held me there impassive. I saw Jasper walk in and he moved to hold my thrashing legs down, his calming affect slowed my struggle.

I turned my begging to Carlisle as he walked in, "Carlisle, I don't want this, you can't do this without my consent."

"Bella, you are mentally unstable, and unable to make medical decisions in your current state," Carlisle said.

"I'm not crazy!" I interrupted him.

"Is the fetus still speaking to you?" he asked me seriously.

I didn't answer him because I knew they would catch my lie.

"As your husband, Edward has the legal right to make this decision for you," Carlisle explained.

"I want the pregnancy terminated," Edward didn't miss a beat.

"No! No!" I cried to them.

"Bella the fetus is killing you. This is a hard choice to make, but it is the best option."

"I swear to God Edward, DO NOT DO THIS," I poured all my anger into my threat.

"Bella please just relax, it will all be over soon," he said back to me.

"Our marriage will not survive this Edward," I said back to him, knowing it was the truth.

It was quiet for a few moments before Edward spoke again, "I know," he said deflated, "but you will, and that's more important."

* * *

The most dangerous evil in all the world is the one that believes it is doing good.


	2. Back Home

Back Home

I sat there on the plane bound for Seattle. We didn't have any more layovers left, and this was the last leg of our journey. I sat next to my husband there in first class, the man I loved with all my soul, the man I had committed to spending eternity with.

Then his words rang in my head, _Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this, and you'll be fine, you'll be fine._

Take care of this. I knew exactly what he meant by that and it made my stomach churn. _Warmth._ Ohh, now that was odd. I didn't feel warm, it was just as if someone else felt warm. They didn't say the word- more communicated the feeling that I translated into warmth.

"Bella, are you alright," the quiet and now reclusive husband decided to speak to me.

"I'm fine," I wasn't about to tell him anything, I just needed to make it to Seattle then I would have Rosalie to help me.

"Liar."

"I'm pregnant Edward, yes I feel a little strange, cut me a little slack."

"You should eat something."

"I did, I ate lots of things, lots of strange things and I'm not hungry right now."

"You'll need your strength to make a shorter recovery."

So now my baby was not only a "thing", an "it", and "unnatural", now it was also a disease. "Edward, I'm really tired," that wasn't a lie, "can I just rest?"

"Sleep is good," he conceded. He wrapped a gentle arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. Edward loved me, I was sure of that more than I was sure of anything else in the world. I was not naive though, I've read enough books to know that sometimes men in love do horrible things to protect the ones they cherish. I trusted Edward, he was a reasonable and compassionate man, I would be able to get him on my side.

* * *

The plane landed and as soon as we were out of the terminal, I saw the Cullens in the distance. To everyone's dismay, it was Rosalie that I ran to. She took me gracefully into her arms. "It's going be alright Bella, I'm so excited for you," Rosalie beamed. She took hold of my hand and we walked with the rest of the Cullens behind us, following, still a little dumbfounded. I jumped into her car with Emmet driving and Edward in the back seat with me. By now Edward has surely figured out my intentions from Rosalie's mind.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked me with urgency.

"I want to keep the baby, Edward."

"It's not a baby Bella."

"How would you know! What if he is perfectly human, just growing a little fast? I understand that you're scared Edward, I'm scared too. Promise me you won't make any decisions prematurely, let's see what Carlisle says and then we will decide_ together_."

_Anxiety. _Like the warmth sensation before, sure I was anxious, but this wasn't me. My heart was racing now, pulse pounding in my ears. Whatever fear I had was compounded by this pregnancy. Edward reached over and took my wrist, "Bella, breathe, relax, your pulse is racing."

I took a few slow, calming breaths and closed my eyes trying to reclaim my emotions. After a few moments, I did.

"It's not like you to panic like that," Edward commented, his voice soft. He was right, I'd never had a panic attack before of any kind. "Bella, we'll figure this out together," he said kindly. "I love you so much."

_Joy. Pure joy._ Edward brought me happiness, but I felt love and devotion towards him, this sensation was different. It was simple. It wasn't my reaction. It wasn't me. My eyes opened wide in my own realization as I reached a hand down to rub over my little bump. Somehow the life inside of me was communicating with me. They are going to think I'm crazy, I quickly decided. I would have to keep this information to myself.

* * *

Two hours later I sat in the study waiting patiently with Alice and Rosalie while Edward and Carlisle were in their makeshift lab. It had amazed me how quickly Carlisle was able to pull together all that medical paraphernalia. One of the spare rooms had been completely renovated in to a hospital exam room.

I knew that doctors weren't supposed to tend to their own family, but with the special circumstances of this pregnancy, we didn't have any other options. Besides, there were no secrets or privacy in the Cullen house, and I knew that was part of becoming part of this family, time to get used to it. Carlisle being my doctor, my OB/GYN in this case, was a necessity I accepted.

The doors to the study opened slowly as Carlisle and Edward walked in. They took their respective seats: Carlisle behind his desk and Edward beside me.

"Bella, right now all of_ your_ tests all came back fine," Carlisle began. I didn't miss that he was just referring to my health, not my baby's; that and he also only used the word "fine," no t "good" or "great".

"Unfortunately, I'm not able to give you much of any information about the fetus. You are definitely pregnant, the equivalent t of about six weeks I would estimate, but I can't be sure. The pregnancy is rapidly progressing, which posses risk to your health," Carlisle paused.

"Can you tell if the baby is healthy?" I asked him the most important question on my mind.

"Bella, first of all you need to understand that this is not a baby. This is not a human pregnancy, it is at least half vampire, maybe even more vampire than human as I suspect the vampire DNA would dominate. Your body is even making vampiric type changes to accommodate it, which furthers my assumption that the child is closer to our kind than yours."

"Carlisle, you didn't answer my question," I pointed out timidly.

"That's because I don't know Bella. I can't see anything on the ultrasound, and I can't get any samples or even feel the fetus in the womb. I don't think the fetus will be compatible with your body, I don't think you would be able to carry successfully to term."

"You don't think? Am I going to miscarry?" my voice cracked at the realization that I may not be strong enough to carry my child. Edward reached a hand around my shoulder and pulled my shaking body towards his body of stone.

"It is always a risk that you could, but honestly that's not my biggest concern. Bella, there is no way to put this lightly," he paused, "I don't think you'll survive the pregnancy."

He thinks I'm going to die, "but you don't know that for sure?" I argued.

"I took the freedom of reviewing your medical history," Carlisle half apologized.

"I don't have any secrets from you and I trust you Carlisle, that's fine," I figured it must be some sort of patient confidentiality he violated in doing so.

"You had a full physical just a couple weeks ago before your wedding," he confirmed as he pulled out some papers from a file in front of him. I nodded in response, it was the typical thing to do before getting married, though I couldn't possibly pose any health risk to Edward, I still did it.

"There are already signs of deteriorating health, Bella," Carlisle explained solemnly. "Your heart is working harder than it should, your blood pressure is high, you've lost weight, and muscle tone. It's very early on for such complications. In my professional opinion," Carlisle stopped and reached over desk to take my hand, "and as your father, I strongly recommend we terminate the pregnancy."

I didn't let go of Carlisle's hand but I moved my other hand from the chair's arm rest to the little bulge on my tummy. Fear coursed through me again, and I knew it was coming from that little bulge. Somehow my baby was connecting to me in a way I didn't understand. "What if I don't want an abortion?" I asked as I saw Rosalie step up behind me.

"That's not necessary Rosalie," Edward sneered. "Why are you even here?!"

"Because she asked me to be here, and she's afraid you might force her into something she doesn't want to do," Rosalie cracked back.

"Stop it now!" Alice shouted at them as I realized the tears were flowing down my face.

The room was filled with silence for several moments before Carlisle continued, "the longer we wait, the more dangerous the situation becomes; both physically and emotionally for you. It would be best if we just get it over and done now."

I let go of his hand and moved it back to the bump. The anxiety and fear doubled as it wracked my body made more potent and strong by my baby. I could feel my heart race against my ribs as a slight fuzz glazed over my eyes. Edward took my face in his hands as I squinted my eyes shut and clenched my fists trying to regain control. _Calm down, calm down, no one is going to hurt you, I won't let them, just calm down so I can think._ After what seemed like forever the anxiety slowly retreated and I opened my eyes to see both Edward and Carlisle kneeled in front of me.

"Can you take a slow deep breath for me Bella," Carlisle asked softly. I followed his direction and felt my head clear even more. Carlisle was holding my wrist and watching my face as I tried to compose myself further.

"That's the second time you've done that, only this time was worse," Edward pointed out but I wished that he hadn't.

"Pregnancy hormones," I blurted out.

None of them bought it, damn it! "Bella, look, we're not going to force you to have an abortion. That would cause serious emotional damage, beyond the fact that it is against oaths that I have taken." I could see the smoldering look that Edward gave Carlisle, but Carlisle just ignored it. "But I do have personal stake in your well being, I love you as a daughter and your continued existence has proved essential to Edward's. As such, I propose a compromise, for now: in one week you will be the equivalent of eleven weeks pregnant, we'll reevaluate then."


	3. Burdens and Guilt

Burdens and Guilt

Esme made dinner that night as I watched TV with Edward on the couch. I don't know what it was that he had flipped on, some light hearted sitcom that couldn't hold my attention. I had my bare feet up on the couch and was leaning against Edward's chest. He kindly stroked my shoulders and arms, but avoided wrapping his arms around my midsection like he normally did.

I was thinking about what a child would mean to us and how it would change our lives. My mind immediately went to my mother and her experience having a child in her teens. I know it was tough for her, but never once had she ever lead me to believe that she regretted it. Edward would make a wonderful father, and I might be an okay mother. Having a child was never something I had thought about wanting, but now given the opportunity, I wanted him. Him; I was fairly certain it was a boy, though I had no evidence.

"What are you thinking about love?"

"You don't want to know," I commented back blandly.

"Will you tell me anyways?" he asked lovingly.

"When can you tell what gender a baby will be?" I asked him.

He didn't answer me.

"See, I knew it would just make you mad at me," I got a little emotional and felt that flare up caused by my nudger as the tears flowed down my face.

"Bella, please don't cry," Edward pleaded as he reached over to hand me tissue. "An ultrasound at eighteen weeks is the earliest we can see on a normal pregnancy, but Bella we wouldn't be able to tell because the ultrasound doesn't work on you. You have to understand that there are so many things that can go wrong with pregnancy: it could be ectopic, could make you anemic, we can't even tell if it's a multiple pregnancy. Think about it Bella, if it is vampire, what does it eat and who do you think it's going to drain. Maybe it will even start to develop venom at some point and infect you, do you want to spend eternity pregnant, assuming you would survive?"

"I don't get how you could assume he would be something evil. He was created by us, by our love. Just because you can't see him or understand him, you want to destroy him."

"The fact that_ it_ is already causing you harm means_ it_ is evil, and that is why I want to terminate the pregnancy. This wouldn't be an elective abortion Bella, it's a therapeutic abortion meaning it is done for the well being of the mother. You are putting yourself at risk for no good reason, if you don't survive the pregnancy, the fetus won't either. You might make a couple weeks, but you won't make term."

"You always underestimate me Edward," I retorted.

"I do sometimes, but do you think both Carlisle and I are underestimating you? Even if you disagree with me, Carlisle is the patriarch of this family- will you go against him as well?"

"Dinner is ready," Esme interrupted.

Edward dropped it and helped me over to the kitchen where Esme and Rosalie were dishing up Italian food for me. It struck me that they had overheard that entire conversation with Edward and neither had made any move to defend me.

I ate my food in silence. Somehow I felt the world was turning against me. If I lost Rosalie and Esme's support, what is to stop Carlisle and Edward from forcing an abortion? Edward probably knew enough to do one on his own, would he do that? The fact that I questioned him made me sick and I ran from the table to the nearest bathroom. I lost the dinner and whatever other contents remained in my stomach as Edward rubbed soothing circles on my back. It only made me sicker to have him touching me right now. I shrugged him off as I moved to the sink to clean up. I could see Edward in the mirror behind me make a frustrated face as he ran his hand through his hair. The feeling was mutual.

I left the bathroom and walked back up to my room, Edward's room. I was thankful he had the common sense not to follow me as I slammed the door behind me. I climbed up into the bed and pulled the blankets around me. It didn't take me long to drift into a restless sleep.

_I was lying out on the exam room bed, tied down as my arms and legs struggled against the binds. The pain was unbearable as I screamed out and my back arched off the bed. It felt like something was clawing away at me from the inside, ripping me tissue by tissue. _

"_This is what you wanted, is it not?" Edward taunted me. "Now, it's too late."_

_I couldn't speak, only cry out. And cry out I did until I watched as my enlarged abdomen was torn open from the inside. A demon monster crawled out as I watched myself bleed out._

"Bella," a soft voice called to me, "Bella wake up." I woke with a start and found Edward there standing over me. "It was just a dream, you're safe," he lulled to me as he tentatively reached down to touch me. In that moment he wasn't my enemy; he was my husband, the man who I loved and I reached up to wrap my arms around him. He willingly took me into his cold embrace. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

I shook my head and just held him close to me a while longer. "What time is it?" I asked.

"Ten past two," Edward answered as he moved his hand to my head, smoothing out my haphazard hair.

"I'm hungry," I realized out loud.

Edward pulled back from me and looked me in the eyes with a small grin, "what would you like? I'll make you anything you want."

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwich and eggs," I decided. Edward gave me a funny look of disapproval, but obliged and left the room.

As soon as he walked out Rosalie walked in. "Bella we need to talk," she began.

"It's the middle of the night Rosalie," I commented.

"Yeah, well, no time like the present. Bella, I know you want to have a baby and I understand that, but maybe this isn't the best way. Maybe Edward and Carlisle are right."

"What made you change your mind?" I asked her.

"Vampire children aren't even allowed to exist in our world Bella. If by some miracle the child is born, and found we all die by the Volturi. If you die before the baby comes to term, he will die anyways. If you die, so does Edward. Have you considered that?"

I paused as her words sunk in, she was right, Edward wouldn't go on without me, he had made that quite clear. "But what if he's perfect? What if I can survive?"

"In the end Bella, only you can make this decision. I'm not saying you should have the abortion and I understand why you don't want to, but please consider all of your options and the implications and consequences of your decision."

With that she left the room as Edward walked back in. I knew once again he had overheard the entire conversation, but he made no comment. He just walked over to the bed and set out my sandwich and eggs.

"I love you," I said softly as he sat on the bed beside me.

"And I you," Edward leaned over and kissed my head softly.

I picked up my fork and dug into the still steaming hot scrambled eggs first, then disposed of the sandwich. Once I was done Edward cleared out the tray and plates to his desk and came back over to the bed to sit beside me. He reached his arm over around me and pulled me close to him as he rubbed my far shoulder, "you should get some rest," he said softly.

"Will you just hold me until I fall back asleep," I asked him.

"Of course," he kissed me on the forehead as we lay back on the bed together. I laid on my side as Edward curled himself behind me, he wrapped an arm over my chest, still avoiding my abdomen. I let it go, I was tired and just decided to close my eyes.

The nightmares came back every few hours, robbing me of any decent sleep. Around seven a.m. I gave up on sleep and rolled over to see Edward still with me. "I'm sorry," I said to him.

He looked at me curiously, "whatever for?"

"Everything, I just feel like such a burden to you."

"You're being ridiculous Bella, there is nothing to apologize for. This is part of marriage, we're not always going to agree on everything, but the important part is that we learn how to compromise and problem solve. We'll make it through this, I have no doubt."

"Of course we'll make it through this, I love you, no matter what," I responded, that's what marriage was after all right: loving through the good times and the bad; in sickness and in health. We laid there for just a few moments enjoying each other. This is what I was missing right now, being close to Edward. I wanted to be back on Isle Esme with him, shredding pillows, taking midnight swims, and exploring the island.

"Can I make you some breakfast?" he offered, "more eggs, I can poach them?"

"I'm not hungry, I need some human time, a shower and such," I wanted a bath but I remembered reading somewhere that pregnant women weren't supposed to take baths, but maybe, "can I take a bath?"

"Yeah, of course you can," he answered me.

"No, I mean, uhh," he wasn't going to like this, "never mind, I'll just take a shower."

"Bella, if you want to take a bath, take a bath."

He wasn't getting it, I moved a hand down to my tummy and rubbed a little circle and bit my lower lip. "Is it safe for the baby?"

Edward furrowed his brows and frowned at me, "Yes, it's fine as long as the water is not too hot. Bella, whatever my opinion is, I would never hurt you like that, we promised you a week, then we would decide. I'm trying very hard to keep an open mind until then, will you do the same?"

I nodded to him and felt foolish for ever doubting Edward, he would never do such a thing. This pregnancy was truly messing up my head in so many ways.

**Author's Note: Hi there! I know this story is a heavy subject matter, but I'm honestly enjoying exploring the characters like this. How about you? Are you curious to see what happens? Have some thoughts? Please, please share them by leaving a review. Thanks!**


	4. Google It

**Google It**

I climbed into the bath tub and tried to unwind. The stress of being pregnant, traveling and now feeling a little alone was getting to me. Edward had asked me to keep an open mind. If he was willing to consider keeping the baby, should I be willing to consider the abortion? Edward and Carlisle seemed to doubt that I would be able to carry to term. All I really needed to do was carry far enough to where he would survive then I could be changed as soon as I gave birth, right? There must be a missing piece, why wouldn't they try?

I got out of the bath and dried off grabbing my robe. Once I got back to my room I pulled on some comfy, but tight yoga pants. My body was changing already. I could smell breakfast down in the kitchen as I made my way down stairs.

Edward was just setting out a plate with two poached eggs, toast and fresh fruit as I sat down at the counter. "Looks lovely, thanks," I smiled at him.

"Did the bath feel nice?" he asked.

"Yes, yes it did."

I dug into my breakfast, making small talk with Edward along the way. Carlisle and Esme came down stairs just as I got up to take my plate to the sink and do dishes. "I can do that," Edward stepped in my path.

"You made breakfast, it is customary for me to do the dishes. Please let me do something, makes me happy to be able to help," I said back. Edward stepped to the side and let me by towards the sink. I quickly rinsed off the plates and loaded the dishwasher.

"How are you feeling today Bella," Carlisle inquired.

"Good, I haven't puked in like 12 hours, which is a plus. Why do they call it morning sickness when happens at all times of the day anyways?

Carlisle gave a light laugh, "Good point, well, lemons, ginger and the fresh fruit high in water content like what Edward made for you this morning should help. Go with your cravings and avoid fish and lots of meat, or anything that doesn't appeal to you. Some studies show that morning sickness is a defense mechanism protecting the baby from toxins."

"How long does it last?" I asked him, he seemed in a good mood and freely giving information, I didn't want to let this opportunity pass.

"Typically just through the first trimester. Ummm," Carlisle paused looking at Edward, "I'm headed into work, call me if you need me." I watched as Edward nodded back, I knew enough by now to see that I missed part of that conversation. I let it go, like so many things that were slipping by.

The day passed without event. I spent some time watching TV, some time reading and too much time in the bathroom. As the evening wore on I decided to retire to bed. Edward gave me an odd look when I told him I was ready for sleep.

"It's early, you feeling alright," he enquired.

His concern over my health was getting annoying and I was feeling grumpy, "I'm fine, I'm just tired," I snapped at him. I wobbled my way upstairs, feeling bigger by the moment and climbed into bed. I rolled over to see the alarm clock, it read 8:15 pm.

It was early, dang it! Why had I snapped at Edward like that? I looked down at my rounding belly and had a feeling I already knew the answer. "Why are you doing this to me little one? You have got to stop sharing your emotions with mommy, you're driving her a little crazy, alright?"

There was a soft knock at the door, "Bella," Edward's voice was concerned as he entered. "Who are you talking to, love?"

I bit my lower lip, "Umm, no one I was just," I was stuck and there was no lying to Edward. "I'm just tired and I think it's making me a little loopy. Will you lay with me?"

"Of course," he replied softly as he climbed into bed. Edward pulled all the blankets around me and then curled up behind me pulling me into his chest. He wrapped his arms around my chest, again avoiding my stomach. "Rest my beauty," he kissed my head and I closed my eyes seeking peace that would once again elude me.

The nightmares visited often throughout the week. Every time they awoke me, Edward tried to lull me back to sleep. This pregnancy was haunting me, changing me and influencing me in so many ways. It was starting to scare me a little.

I had only gained a pound, but my belly was rounding out as I watched the rest of me slowly wither away. A normal person would not have noticed it, but I knew my body well, and if I could tell, Edward could too. I had two more days before my evaluation and when the decision to abort or continue the pregnancy would be made. I had quite a bit of free time on my hands, I had found myself doing allot of thinking and even more researching.

Edward and Carlisle were scouring history searching for any reference to a human and vampire offspring. For all they could tell though, I was the first. In my own studies, I tried to learn about pregnancy, and "What to expect when you're Expecting." Not as helpful as you would think in my scenario.

Though, the internet search that stood out the most in my head was earlier today when I googled "abortion." The first site was good 'ol _Wikipedia_. It was a fairly dry and neutral article explaining the different types and methods. I tried to avoid looking at the pictures. It didn't take me long to learn why Carlisle was so insistent on performing the abortion by the end of this week. He had estimated I would be the equivalent of eleven to twelve weeks pregnant over the next couple days, which would be considered the end of the first trimester I figured.

Once you got to the second trimester, terms like "cranial decompression" and "fetal pain" started to appear. In other words, things got messy. I browsed a few other sites, "planned parenthood" watered it down to the point of where it sounded like going to the dentist or something, while other sites compared abortion clinics to Nazi death camps. I decided that was enough for one day's research and quickly deleted the browsing history before shutting down the computer.

Though I avoided looking at pictures of fetuses on the web just as a precaution to my usual squeamishness, I couldn't help but see those tiny, helpless beings in my head occasionally. I looked down to that little bump and tapped just below my belly button. _Playful_ was the sensation I got from my little boy. _Ohh so you think this is a game do you? _I gave a soft poke to the side of my belly and felt the amusement again. I couldn't help the smile that lit up my face. I poked the other side letting out a little laugh.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked me with a scolding voice.

"I can sense his feelings," I was so caught up in the joy he was sharing with me I slipped.

"You can what!"

The smile dropped off my face as I looked up to meet Edward's distraught eyes. "I said he is sharing his feelings with me, he was being playful and happy, I could feel it. I've felt it before," I said.

"Since when?" he was being short with me and collecting information.

"Since the day we got home, Edward don't be upset or concerned. Can you hear him? I wonder if Jasper would be able to feel it? But it's gone now, you scared him away. It comes and goes" I rambled on.

Edward sat down beside me and took my face in his hands, "Why didn't you tell me you were hearing voices?" I could still hear the anger behind his voice.

My emotions started shifting again as I felt my eyes tear up, "I'm not hearing voices Edward, I'm not schizophrenic. It's more like emotions that I can translate into what they are to me. Sometimes he just amplifies what I'm feeling, other times he has feeling of his own. I wasn't going to tell you because I was scared you would think I was crazy."

"Bella, I love you no matter what, you have to trust me! My only concern is for you."

"That's the problem Edward, you only care about me and not our son," his brows furrowed at my reference to the baby as our son.

"Look, we'll have Jasper hang around you until you feel it again. If you're feeling something, he should too. Though he is in the house right now, he's in range anyways, he ought to be able to sense it right now. Are you feeling anything from the fetus now?"

"He's amplifying, I'm more upset than I should be," I admitted.

"Jasper," Edward called out in a normal voice and Jasper appeared instantly. "Are you sensing any emotions in this room beyond mine and Bella's?"

He looked confused, but bowed his head to close his eyes to concentrate anyways. "No, there is only you two."

"Are you sure?" I blurted out.

"Yes," he answered simply.

"But you can't read me," I snapped over to Edward.

"But Jasper can," Edward countered.

I felt a wave of calm approaching from Jasper, but it was rather ineffective. I gave Jasper a firm and angry look, "you ever been unsuccessful on anyone before , Jasper?"

Another stronger wave of calm and serenity washed over me to the point where I almost fainted. I was able to stand my ground and my son was still projecting anger enough for me to feed on, "guess there is a first for everything," I snapped at them and stormed out of the room.

**Author's note: Time is almost up on Bella's week, I'll try to get the next chapter out soon so you can find out what Edward and Carlisle have to say…. In the mean time will you click that magical review button below and leave some love for me? Thanks!**


	5. Call for Help

Call for Help

Time was up. I was sitting in that study once again, awaiting test results and sentencing. At least that's what it felt like: sentencing of my child. Alice pulled up a chair and sat beside me. "Ohh, Bella please don't cry, it will be alright."

Alice! It took me all week to figure that out? Alice was the key to this, why didn't I see that? Maybe I was losing it.

"Alice, what do you see for me if I decide to keep the baby?"

"Bella, you know I'm having a hard time seeing it," she evaded and shook her head.

"I know, but what do you see for me? You're not telling me something, Alice tell me!"

"Bella, I, I," she stumbled over her words as I gave her a desperate look. "I can't see you. You're not there. Only Edward is, and he's devastated, then he disappears as well."

"Alice what if the abortion causes this? How do you know, and even if not, your visions can always change."

"It's uncertain, I know. I hate how clouded my sight is and that we're making this decision based on incomplete information. I think you should do what Carlisle recommends Bella, he's the most neutral, Edward is too wrapped up in you and you're too wrapped up in it. Besides, Carlisle has always been pro-life, he would not recommend an abortion lightly."

The problem was I had a feeling I knew what Carlisle's recommendation would be, he'd already given it to me last week.

The door to the study opened on cue and in walked my husband followed by my father-in-law. Though I was feeling anxious, my son was projecting affection again. It had become his favorite emotion over the past day or so.

I didn't need to be Jasper to understand the feelings of Carlisle and Edward though. My mind started ticking with my options, knowing what they were about to tell me.

They took their seats, same as last week, only now, somehow the room was filled with more dread. Carlisle leaned forward with his elbows on his desk, "Bella, this isn't looking good. I'm afraid all I have is bad news."

I looked down as Edward took my hand and Carlisle continued, "I still can't give you any information on the fetus, other than it is growing even faster now. Your health is deteriorating, but I think you know that. In a healthy pregnancy, you should have gained over five pounds by now, you've lost another pound since last week." I thought I was doing better, I guess not. "You are anemic," he continued, "have high blood pressure, you're even developing preeclampsia, and it's really early for that. Unfortunately, the pregnancy has progressed more than I had projected. I would say you are closer to fourteen weeks now."

"Second trimester," I mumbled. Things get messy: the abortion gets messy, oh my God. Think, think, Bella. How do I get out of this? I needed more time.

"Yes, second trimester," Carlisle answered. "Bella, let me offer you another option. I know that having children is a very important thing to some women. We can perform the abortion, and in about a month you would be healed enough to where can do an in vetro fertilization. You and Edward can choose a donor together."

I stopped him there, frightened, "Carlisle, I don't want to do this, I want to have this baby- Edward's son." I pleaded.

Edward looked at me apologetically, "I'm so sorry I did this to you Bella. But think of Carlisle's option."

I shook my head at him, starting to cry again. It was quiet for a few moments before Carlisle spoke again, "Bella, Edward has told me you are hearing voices?"

I felt betrayed and devastated all at the same time. They were going to use that against me. I tried to explain, "it's not voices, it's more emotions my child is communicating to me, Carlisle please, I'm not crazy."

"No, no Bella," Carlisle gave me a kind smile that brought me some relief. "But you are very sick with this child. Please Bella, will you agree with me, with us? Please let me help you, I need you to agree with this."

I looked around the room and realized I was in this alone. I needed time, time to get out and get away. Thankfully, my son was still for the moment, allowing me to think quickly. I looked to Edward, "We could have another child? You would let me do the in vetro?"

His eyes lit up in surprise and hope, I immediately felt guilty for misleading him. "Yes!" he replied excited, "yes, Bella, it would bring great joy for me to see you healthy with child. And to raise him or her, we'll figure it out. So you'll do this?"

I nodded to him, one of the few times I had ever lied to him. "It is a relief Bella, that we will be able to keep you safe." Carlisle spoke, "I can be ready in just a few minutes."

"No," I said to him and he paused, "Please, can we wait until tomorrow night? Please give me a day to come to terms with this, to make my peace."

"Bella, let's just do it now, get it over with," Edward pushed, "there will be time after to mourn and heal."

"I agree with Edward, with the pregnancy as far along as it is, I would rather sooner than later. Yet, your emotional well being through this is important, if you need a little time to make peace, I would give you until first thing tomorrow morning, eight am, would that be alright?"

"Yes, thank you Carlisle." I glanced at a clock on the wall, it read four pm. I had sixteen hours to flee the Cullen mansion and hide from those who loved me- from those whom I loved.

I got up to leave the study and retire to my room for a little while before dinner. Edward held my hand as Alice curled herself around my waist as we walked down the hall and opened the door to my and Edward's room. "I would just like a few minutes to clean up before dinner," I told them.

Alice gave me a quick hug and fluttered away, she still looked confused over something. Edward leaned down to kiss me ever so gently, "let me know if you need anything," he said softly. I nodded to him and he walked out after Alice.

I ran to the desk where my purse was and dug out my cell phone. I turned on music on Edward's CD player. Then I made my way to the bathroom connected to Edward's room and turned on the shower. I needed to make a phone call, and I hoped the music and running water was enough to give me a little privacy. There was only one person who could get me out now.

I hit the buttons on the phone and brought it to my ear listening to the ring tone. He picked up on the second ring, "Hey Bells, thought you were still on honeymoon with your bloodsucker."

"Jake I need your help, I need to get out."

"What are you talking about, Bella are you serious?"

"Jake I'm in trouble, do you think you can get me to Seattle?"

"What's going on?"

"I can't talk right now Jake, will you help me or not, I need you," my voice was desperate.

"Of course, I can be there in an hour," he resolved.

"I'll be ready. They can't know that I'm gone, I need as much of a head start as possible."

"Just be alone, I'll come to you."

"Thank you Jake," my voice was laced with my love for him. I was certain I would pay dearly for misleading him like this. I clicked the phone shut and turned off the shower. I left the music on as I gathered my must haves in my back pack: money, ID, a few clothes. I couldn't weigh myself down, I had a long, hard journey ahead.

**Author's Note: Things are getting interesting, please leave review and share your thoughts- would you run from Edward? **


	6. Yours for Eternity

Yours for Eternity

It only took me ten minutes to pack. As I sat there at Edward's desk, I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed. My little nudger pushed love and adoration to me and it only made me more sad. I eyed the lovely ring that encircled the finger on my left hand. Ohh how quickly I had betrayed him by choosing my son over him. My love for Edward would not change, but would he forgive me for running from him? Would he take me and our son back when this was all over? It was a risk I had to take.

I couldn't live without Edward, but I could survive, and that's what my son needed. I grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled him a letter, I owed him that much.

_My Dearest Edward,_

_I love you beyond everything, know that my leaving you does not change this. I hope that one day you'll take me back. Yet, I can't stand by and let you take away our son. I know you're scared for me, but I'll be okay, I know I will. _

_I know you'll search for me, and I fear you'll find me. I'm certain there is nothing I can say here to stop you. I wish I could have been strong enough to get you on my side, I don't know who I will run to or where I will go. Maybe that will make me harder to find._

_I remain yours for eternity, if you'll still have me. Watch over my heart, for I left it with you._

_Bella Cullen_

I read over the letter a couple times, not really happy with it, but I suppose I was never going to be. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I would not be able to hide from the Cullens for long. Fate was on my side tonight: Jasper, Alice and Edward were supposed to go out hunting. That would increase my chance of getting out of the house.

But they would bring me back, I realized that. I was hoping all I really needed to do was get far enough along that the abortion would no longer be an option, that they would see that I was fine. I just had to get far enough to where he could survive on his own. If I could get there, in theory I could return home, and Carlisle could deliver my son safely.

A week ago, Carlisle estimated I was about six weeks along, as of today I was fourteen. According to my research, for the baby to have at least a fifty percent chance at surviving, I needed to make twenty-four weeks. I'd like for him to have more than a fifty/ fifty chance. I set a goal for myself: fourteen days would get me to thirty weeks if I kept up at this same pace. If I made two weeks, I would go back home to Edward.

I could hide for two weeks right?

There was a soft tap at the window, almost sounded like a branch, but I glanced in that direction. There was Jake perched in the tree. I opened the window softly and just made eye contact with him. He was wearing only jean shorts and had a fierce look. I grabbed my back pack and looked around the room, my eyes falling to the letter on the desk for a moment. I turned my back and went to Jacob.

I'm not entirely certain how, but Jacob got me out, but he did. We were in his rabbit, pacing to the airport. This was the slowest car I had been in in a few months. I might have appreciated the change of pace, if it wasn't for the fact I was fleeing a powerful coven of vampires with super powers at their disposal.

"Bella you look awful," Jacob broke the long silence.

"Thanks Jake," I replied dryly.

"No, really Bells, are you sick or something? You put on weight too, kinda," he paused, "yeah, you don't look good. Why are you running anyways?"

"It's personal Jake," I'd been avoiding his questions.

"You know I'm not exactly a member of the Cullen fan club, but I can't imagine you were a prisoner there. Will you at least tell me why you needed the getaway car? He's going to come after you, why don't we just go back to the reservation. He can't follow there, but he'll know you're safe at least for now."

"Jacob, I'm only going to say this once, and then we are going to drop it. I am in danger from the Cullens right now. I'm not telling you why or how, I need a safe place to hide for two weeks. That's all, I'll come back. When he comes to you, tell him I said I'll come back," Jacob would be the first person Edward would hunt down. I hoped Jacob wouldn't be hurt in the confrontation.

"Alright, we won't talk about why you left. Will you tell me what you're sick with and if I need to have the Rabbit sanitized by the CDC after I drop you off? I don't want to get whatever it is you have."

I laughed, "don't worry Jake, this isn't contagious, I promise you can't get it."

"Seriously Bella, I'm worried about you. I know you can't tell me where you're going 'cause of your mind reading husband and all, but will you at least promise to answer me if I call? You do have a cell phone in your pack right?"

"Yeah, I have my phone," I pulled it out of my pocket, it was a small fancy silver thing, like Edward's, my brain suddenly ticked, "crap, can cell phones be tracked?"

"Uhh, you're asking me?" Jake replied, "You want to take mine? It's old, maybe it won't be traced as easy?"

"Jake I don't want to take your phone," I objected.

"Nah, it ain't like that, it's a trade! I'm, getting an upgrade, we'll just switch out the SIM cards."

I knew enough about cell phones to know how to do that. "Okay, Jake, thanks!"

"No, thank you!"

Jake and I made small talk here and there as we continued to drive through the night. Just as we reached the edge of Seattle, my phone went off. I looked to the screen and saw it was Edward. My teeth worried my lower lip as I debated answering it. In the end I just wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I pressed the red end button to send him to voice mail and then powered down the phone as I switched on a light in the car to swap our phones.

Jake pulled up to the airport departure gates and he asked me, "which airline?"

I shook my head at him as I gathered my belongings. "Right," he answered as he shifted the car into park, "never mind. Bella be careful and call me if you need anything."

Jacob stepped out of the car and walked around to open my door. He helped me up and out. I slung my loaded backpack over my shoulders, "Thanks Jake, I owe you one."

"Yes you do, and I expect to see you again soon so I can collect," Jake pulled me into a strong hug that I returned feebly.

I turned my back to Jake and walked into the airport. I was oddly hungry, so I decided to grab a quick bite. I ended up at a McDonalds scarfing a quarter pounder, fries and a milkshake. Jake's phone, now my phone had been ringing off the hook for the past thirty minutes. Thankfully it was fully charged and he had a charger with him he gave to me. I'd switched it to mute a while back, so it just vibrated away there on the table. I needed to get going. They knew I was gone and would be on my trail, and I knew I needed to keep moving.

First, I needed to think. Adrenaline flooded my system as I felt my heart start to race. _Ohh not now little one, mommy needs to think. _It took a few minutes and I think I attracted a few strange looks from passer bys, but he calmed down. From Seattle, I could go almost anywhere, but after thinking about it, I decided to stay in Washington. I hoped the Cullens would assume I went somewhere, got on a plane. It would slow them down to have to search through flight manifests.

Alright, so I wasn't getting on a flight, where was I going? I liked my train of thought, staying fairly close to home. I would know the area, but still be far enough away. They would assume I would run South or East from Seattle, not back North.

So north it was. I needed to get a rental car. Wait, they would check ID and keep logs- so taxi to another city and get a rental there.

I pulled out my wallet to do recon and see where I was. I counted out eight hundred in cash discreetly at my table. I never carried that much cash, but Edward liked putting money in there and eight hundred would seem like a small amount to him. Then there was that little metal American Express Card, yes it was metal and neatly printed on it was "Bella Cullen." I was going to need more cash than eight hundred to run like I needed to. I hated taking their money, but of all the ways I had crossed Edward by leaving, I figured that taking their money would not be something he would begrudge me of.

I gathered my belongings and found an ATM to pull out more cash. This was my one chance to use the card because they would know I came to SEATAC anyways. I pulled out four thousand dollars, it seemed excessive, but I needed hotel and a rental car for fourteen nights along with food, gas, clothes, and possibly other emergency bribe money.

I put the money in my wallet and zipped it up into my backpack and walked out of the airport to flag down a taxi. There was a line of them waiting and not many takers this late at night. I climbed into one right away, "Everett, please."

"Where in Everett miss?"

"A Best Western is fine; I just need somewhere to stay the night."

The cabbie nodded and pulled away from the airport. I could almost see Edward tracing my scent to this spot, the devastation on his face as it faded away. It reminded me of when I fled from Alice and Jasper when I thought James had my mom. I let a sad tear roll down my cheek in sympathy for the pain I would cause my love once again.

**Author's Note: Yes, metal American Expresses do exist; apparently you can buy jets with them. I held one once, and have dreamed of one ever since! I also dream about getting reviews, this is a tough story to write, so you are helping me- thanks! Just to make sure we're all on the same page here, from some of the reviews I have read I suspect we may not be- you did read the summary and the first chapter right? You know where this is going? Cause I don't want to be stoned when it happens…..**


	7. Masen

Masen

The cab ride was expensive, but I left a decent tip anyways. At least I was saving money on hotel accommodations. I needed a good night of sleep then I had to hit the road again tomorrow morning. For the first week I intended to move to a different place each night, just to be safe. The second week, I realized it might be harder. I was going to get bigger, and driving everyday was going to get uncomfortable. I needed rest and to stay healthy for little Masen or all this was for naught.

I'd started calling him Masen on the taxi ride, I liked the sound of it and it was Edward's human last name- it seemed fitting. After checking into my room I quickly undressed into a tee-shirt I brought and climbed under the covers switching off the light. I placed the cell phone on the bed beside me as it started vibrating again. I let it go to voice mail before flipping it open. Twenty-six missed calls and seventeen messages.

I took a deep breath and dialed the voice mail, "Bella, what are you doing? Where are you? Please call me back, please, I love you." I deleted it with a little sadness and went to the next message, he sounded a little more frantic, "Bella please, I need to know you're alright. Just call me back and let me know you're alright, please. I love you forever." I pressed the delete keys again.

"Bella," his voice broke, "please call me, or just message me if you can't talk to me. I just need to know you're safe. I can smell the wolf in your room, I'm going after him. Just let me know you're safe so I don't kill him, because if you're not- God, Bella call me please."

The messages went on like that, only getting worse. There were a few messages from Alice mixed in, one from Esme, one from Carlisle. I owed them at least the peace of knowing I was alright. I typed a quick text to Edward, _I'm alright and safe, I love you, please let me sleep_. If I hadn't added that last part in there he would have started texting me back all night.

I got one text back only seconds later, _I love you more, sleep well, thank you_.

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The next text message came at ten am, exactly eight hours after his last one. That was Edward for you. It was time to get up anyways and get on my way. I flipped open the phone to read his message, _Good Morning my Bella, will you please take a moment to just call me? _I debated it for a few moments, but first I decided to take a shower to freshen up and clear my head.

I got out of the shower, but my head didn't feel any clearer. I loved Edward so much and I wanted to hear his voice. Deep longing and loneliness filled me, and although I suspected Masen might be behind it, I acted on it anyways.

He picked up on the first ring, "Bella?"

"Hi Edward."

"Bella, please where are you?"

"I'm safe Edward, please don't worry, I'll come back," I assured.

"No, we'll come get you, just tell me where you are," he interrupted.

"No, Edward, I'm not coming home yet. I need a little time to myself."

"Bella, I love you and I can't be without you," he pleaded.

"I'm not leaving you Edward, I love you and that won't change. But I love Masen now too, and I need to keep him safe."

"Masen- you named it? Ohh, Bella, please love," he sounded like he was holding back anger.

"I'm going to hang up now, I'll call you later, I love you," I said trying to keep my voice steady.

"No, don't hang up yet, Bella please stay with me!"

"Goodbye Edward," I flipped the phone shut as I tossed it across the bed and curled in on myself and let out a good cry.

Once I had cried myself out, I cleaned up and packed my belongings and checked out of the hotel. I grabbed a taxi to a rental car company, where I picked up a discreet silver Honda Civic to drive. They took cash, but insisted on seeing ID. I wasn't staying in this town anyways, so I suppose it didn't matter.

I left Everett as soon as they handed me the keys. I headed north again, towards Bellingham now. It should only take me a couple hours, and honestly that was all I could make. Today was a bad day. I felt like crap, weak, tired and just all around bad. Once I got into town, I found a pharmacy and picked up some vitamins and make up. Even if I felt terrible, I didn't want to draw unnecessary attention. I decided to splurge on a nicer hotel and take advantage of room service. I checked into the local Marriott.

The room was nice and the food was decent. Though I spent much of the afternoon just passed out on the bed. I got sick once or twice- I knew the morning sickness was supposed to stop once I hit the second trimester, but what was normal about this pregnancy anyways? A few hours later I just ordered more room service.

That's when Jake called. I picked up the phone as promised, "Bella where are you?" he practically growled at me.

"I'm guessing Edward found you?"

"Is it true? Are you pregnant with the monster spawn!"

"That's really hateful Jake," I held in a sob, Jacob was always a bit on the blunt side.

"Gawd, I'm sorry Bells, I didn't mean it like that, but what are you doing? Seriously, you lied to me! I would never have agreed to spring you if I had known the danger you are in now! That wasn't fair Bella."

It was true, I had taken advantage of Jacob and manipulated him, "I'm sorry Jake, it was the only way I could get out."

"Yeah, well I'm calling that favor you owe me now- tell me where you are."

"Ahhh Jake, I can't, you know that."

"We're going to find you anyways, we're close, you're just delaying the inevitable."

In horror I hung up on him. How close were they? Was he just saying that? I turned clammy and sickly in moments, my heart ricocheting against my ribs. I stood to start gathering my belongings and hit the road again. As soon as I hit my feet I collapsed backwards back into the bed, the pressure behind my eyes overwhelming. My body curled inward on itself as I started to shake and the darkness overtook me.

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Consciousness slowly returned to me as I opened my eyes. The room had grown considerably darker with only a faint glow leaking in from the bathroom. I slowly stretched out my limbs and reoriented myself. I still felt awful.

I slowly sat up and glanced at the alarm clock, it read 8:48 p.m. I tried hard to recall when Jake had called me- there had been some sun, but it was late in the afternoon. I picked up my phone to see a few more missed calls and another message. I scrolled through recent calls and saw Jake's call was around 4:30p.m.- about four hours ago. Could they be even closer now?

I glanced around the room again considering gathering my belongings, but as I did a wave of dizziness overtook me. I couldn't drive like this, heck I didn't think I could walk like this. My options were either to wait out the night, try to get some rest and hit the road first thing in the morning or try to flee right now hopping a cab.

I needed to be strong for Masen and I needed to do what was right for him. I decided he needed me healthy first, and it wasn't safe for me to be up right now. What if I fell and hurt myself worse? Then again, what if Edward walks through that door in five minutes? What if I passed out in a stranger's taxi again and I ended up at a hospital? Definite worst case scenario, no I couldn't risk that.

I lay back down in the bed and tried to sleep but my eyes watched the entry door all night awaiting the monsters of my nightmares.


	8. Worse

Worse

Daylight came, but the vampires and werewolves did not. A small amount of relief came with the new day. I made it to the bathroom and was able to shower- barely. It was yet another bad day. I was utterly and entirely exhausted, my body felt like it was shutting down. For the first time since I discovered I was pregnant I wondered if I was strong enough to survive this. Looking in the mirror only justified my doubts.

My skin was chalky and dry, my eyes blood shoot, but what really stood out was the way my bones were pushing against my skin. My clavicle bones protruded and I could count the ribs attached to my sternum. That little bump in my lower abdomen had gotten bigger though. All this change in just a couple days?

I grabbed the vitamins and quickly downed a dose hoping it would help. Then for the first time since prom, I put on makeup, trying to add color to my ashen skin. I tried to dress, but nothing fit me right, I would have to get new clothes today. I did my best with what I had and checked out of the hotel at eight am.

I left the car there after returning the keys to the front desk concierge and hoped a cab to Sequim. I didn't want to risk having to show ID again or driving in my condition. The driver took me to the local Quality Inn, across from a Wal-Mart. Once I had checked in, I wobbled my way over to the Wal-Mart and grabbed some clothes. I didn't have the energy to try anything on, so I just guessed at the sizes. I happened to walk through the baby section and paused for a moment looking around.

"Do you know if it's a girl or a boy yet?" a kind blonde lady in her thirties asked me randomly.

"I, uhh, it's a boy," I said with a small smile.

"Really, I would have guessed a girl with how high you're carrying. Well congratulations!" She continued about her shopping as I continued to stare at the little clothes. I almost grabbed an outfit or two, but then I decided to wait until next week. It would give me something to work for, if I can make it to next week, I would allow myself to do a little shopping. Shopping had never been something I looked forward to, but somehow this was different.

On the way out I grabbed some food and other necessities before hiking back to my hotel. The sad part was, it wasn't much of a hike, what should have been a ten minute walk took me thirty with several stops in between. The weather was of no help, it continued to pour a cold rain that my small umbrella did little to differ.

I managed to eat a little, but then just retired back to bed. I shivered, coughed and sniffled for the next two hours under the blankets while the hazy day was blocked out of the room with the heavy blinds. I was suddenly wishing I had the foresight to buy some cold medicine while at the store. Could I take it while I was pregnant though? I had no idea. I felt like a failure there in that hotel room, sick, weak and alone, not knowing what to do- yet knowing exactly what I _had_ to do.

Here I was so close to home, yet so very far away. Only seventy-five miles or so to my home in Forks, only twenty minutes to familiar Port Angeles. I wouldn't risk going any closer. I needed a day or two in one spot though, so I had booked the hotel for two nights, not really knowing where to go from here.

I thought about just staying here, I hadn't shown ID since I rented the car back in Everett. I realized it was impossible to outrun the vampires once they figured out where I was- the key would be to stay hidden. If I moved again that could be what leads them to me- or if I stay they could find me anyways. I was getting sick of second guessing myself, there wasn't much I could do now anyways. I closed my eyes to take a fitful nap that was interrupted frequently by my sore throat.

The day that followed was the worst yet. I didn't leave the hotel; I didn't leave the bed except to go to the bathroom and occasionally try to eat or drink. That left me with allot of time to think. Things were bad, and I really needed help. But who could help me? It wasn't as if I could just walk into a hospital or call any old friends, not without putting the Cullens in danger. Not without bringing the Volturi down on them.

I couldn't do that to them, they were my family. I may disagree with them, but I still loved them as I hoped they still loved me. I almost wished I hadn't played the Jacob card so early on in the game, not that he would have been able to help much at this point. I'm fairly certain birthing half-vampire children was not something he was experienced in. Still, it would be nice not to be alone.

I was suddenly overcome with the chills and a coughing fit. My head was pounding; this was one hell of a cold or maybe flu. I tried to get more rest but was rather unsuccessful.

Morning turned to day and day turned to afternoon. Time only made me worse. I was never a big fan of going to a hospital, but even I knew that's where I belonged. I was all sweaty again, clammy and weak. I picked up the phone. Realistically there were only two people that might be able to help me, unfortunately both of them were against me right now.

I still wondered if one might help me anyways, so I hit dial.

"Bella?" his kind voice asked evenly.

"Hi Carlisle," I groaned out.

"Bella, you sound awful, are you alright?" he was obviously concerned.

"I'm just a little sick," I paused to cover the receiver of the phone as I let out another round of coughs, "I don't feel well at all."

"Ohh sweetheart, I'm not surprised. Your immune system is very weak right now, it happens during pregnancy to prevent rejecting the fetus. With the fetus being non-human, your body has practically shut off its immune system all together."

"Is there anything I can do?" I squeaked out, "please?"

I heard him release an exasperated breath, "Bella, please let me help you. Where are you dear?"

"You'll take him from me," I wrasped, "please Carlisle, I'm not doing well here, please help me."

"Bella," he paused, "I'll write you a prescription for something that can help."

"How can I know it will be safe for Masen?" I thought out loud.

"You'll have to trust me- where should I call it in to?" he replied.

"Nice try," I wasn't that far gone.

"Port Townsend? Clallam Bay? Sequim? I'm in Port Angeles right now, and we know you're not far."

I almost dropped the phone at the realization before I pulled myself together, "Bremerton," I stammered. "Send it to Bremerton."

I heard an exasperated sigh, "You know I would never force such a thing as abortion on you if there were any other option Bella? Do you understand that? I don't think you're quite your normal self right now. The Bella I know is smart, reasonable and logical; though she is a very passionate woman, she is ruled by her head. Pregnancy throws off your hormones and in your case to the extreme. So much that you claim to be able to hear or sense the fetus' thoughts. But that's okay, that's why you have people who love you in your life that you trust to help you make hard decisions when you can't."

"I'm sorry I put your family through this," my voice was cracking from both the flu and my tears.

"This isn't your fault anymore than it's Edward's, and trust me he is attempting to take full responsibility for this. But all that doesn't matter; we have you surrounded, Bella. We have your location down to about a thirty mile radius, you can't run without crossing one of our paths and if you stay we'll close in on you eventually. You're putting yourself through unnecessary trauma. Won't you just tell me where you are?"

"I can't give up like that; look I won't hold you up any longer, thanks for trying to help."

"I'm not hanging up this phone," he said sternly.

"It's okay, really Carlisle I'll be alright," the tone of my voice betrayed me.

"I'm still here, do you want me to get Edward on the line for you? I'm sure he'd like to talk to you."

Of course I wanted to speak to Edward, but I didn't want to go through the whole, "tell me where you are" conversation again.

"I love him, but no, he'll just beg me to tell him where I am."

There were a couple moments of silence, I didn't want to hang up the phone either. I was alone and scared, somehow it eased my fears to have a familiar voice there.

"Would you like me to just keep talking to you, tell you a story maybe?"

I let out a little laugh, feeling a little childish to let the centuries old vampire tell me a story. "Honestly, that would be nice if you don't mind- something with a happy ending though."

Listening to Carlisle talk was food for my soul, his voice was soft and fatherly. He mostly told me stories about his family, stories about different funny experiences they'd had over the years. I let him talk to me until my phone started beeping at me that it was running low on battery.

"I'm going to have to hang up, my phone is dying," I admitted.

"Do you have a charger for it?" he asked.

"Yeah," I started coughing again, "but it's over on the table and well," I hated admitting that the table was far or seemed far in my current weakened state. "I'm just going to try to go to sleep for a while." My phone beeped low power at me again.

"You've fought hard Bella, very hard. But it's over now, let us help you. It's time to tell me where you are."

My guard was down, and in a moment of weakness, "Sequim, at a Quality Inn," the phone beeped three times at me and switched off having lost all power.

I suddenly became aware of what I had just done. Had he heard that or did the power cut off in time? I laid there for a moment thinking as I felt anxiety and fear well up inside of me again, little Masen was waking up. And I wasn't going to find any rest either. It was time to run again.

**Author's Note: So the next chapter brings us full circle back to the events that happened in the Preface. I still love hearing your thoughts, sorry I don't get around to replying to them all, but I so read them all! Thanks!**


	9. Captured

Captured

I couldn't run far, which made my options few. Mostly because of how sick I was, but also because I knew exactly what the Carlisle was trying to do. The vampires and wolves were predatory creatures- hunters to the extreme. They had their prey cornered and were rustling the bushes trying to scare me out.

I needed to hop to another bush. The closest town was Port Angeles. I didn't like it, it was too close, but my options were few, so Port Angeles it was. I called a cab after checking out of the hotel, and waited out in front of the hotel. I pulled my hood over my head and tried to blend in and not draw too much attention in my sickened state.

Nobody seemed to take any notice of me, a novelty of modern society- everyone keeps to themselves these days. I saw the yellow taxi pull up as I casually opened the back seat passenger door.

"Where to Miss?" the cabbie asked.

"Port Angeles Inn please," I mumbled out.

I glanced out the window to watch the sleepy town pass by. A certain black Mercedes pulled up to the hotel as my taxi pulled out of the parking lot. I glanced out of the back of the car and stared in horror as the blonde vampire exited the fancy car followed by what looked to be Esme. They seemed to look around some before turning their backs and walking into the lobby. That was the last I saw of them as my cab turned down the road. I felt the anxiety well up inside of me as I turned almost frantic in fear.

"Hey lady, you alright?" the cabbie yelled back at me.

It shook me out of my fear coma and helped me pull myself back together, "Yeah, thanks."

If Carlisle was here and had come from Port Angeles that might mean that the road to Forks was clear. That maybe somehow, I had gotten on the outside of their net. In my head, it was almost too simple to even work. Forks would be the last place they would look for me right? From there I could run south down the 101.

"Actually," I spoke up to the cabbie, "could you just take me to Forks?"

"That's quite the cab fare," he warned.

"I can cover it," I assured him. I zoned out in the cab watching green scenery go by. As we skirted Crescent lake thirty minutes later, the fog clung to the land and trees in an eerie and foreboding manner. I don't know how I sensed it, but something was off. I'd made a bad move, this was a trap.

"Can you uh, hurry, please?" I requested nervously.

"Lady, it's pretty foggy out and this twisting road can be tricky. I'll get you to Forks as fast as, woah!" The taxi skidded a little on the road veering to the shoulder before coming to a stop. "I think we got a flat, I'm going to check it- you stay here in the car alright?"

I frantically whipped my head from side to side looking for the monster that went bump in the night- something was out there. I quickly opened the door and looked over to see the taxi driver fall to the ground unconscious.

I made it three steps before I felt his cold hands wrap around my shoulders jolting me to a stop. I pulled and ducked and tried to free myself, but it was futile.

"Bella, Bella, you're safe now," I heard his sweet voice ring in my ear.

"Let me go! Let me go," I turned around and pounded my fists on his stone chest. He easily swept me up into his arms and started running west.

I fought him with bleeding knuckles. I pounded into his chest, clawed at his glorious face and screamed my hate at him, "Put me down, you can't do this Edward!"

"You're not thinking right, Bella we're going to take care of you. Just settle down, I don't want you to hurt yourself," Edward spoke calmly back to me.

I continued my futile fight against him all the way back to the Cullen mansion. It was a place that used to be filled with joy and people I loved; not anymore. Tears streamed down my face as my hands moved instinctually to protect the unborn child that was growing in my womb. The child that Edward was about to kill.

I had nobody left on my side, and as it turned out, it was impossible to hide from a coven of seven vampires and six wolves determined to find me.

Edward slowed as he came into view of the house. He kept telling me that I would be alright, that it wouldn't hurt, that he would take care of me, as he carried me up the stairs.

"I don't care about me! Edward don't do this, please don't do this," I resorted to begging as he laid me out on the hospital bed.

I struggled, kicked and screamed more as he just held me there impassive. I saw Jasper walk in and he moved to hold my thrashing legs down, his calming affect slowed my struggle.

I turned my begging to Carlisle as he walked in, "Carlisle, I don't want this, you can't do this without my consent."

"Bella, you are mentally unstable, and unable to make medical decisions in your current state," Carlisle said.

"I'm not crazy!" I interrupted him.

"Is the fetus still speaking to you?" he asked me seriously.

I didn't answer him because I knew they would catch my lie.

"As your husband, Edward has the legal right to make this decision for you," Carlisle explained.

"I want the pregnancy terminated," Edward didn't miss a beat.

"No! No!" I cried to them.

"Bella the fetus is killing you. This is a hard choice to make, but it is the best option."

"I swear to God Edward, DO NOT DO THIS," I poured all my anger into my threat.

"Bella please just relax, it will all be over soon," he said back to me.

"Our marriage will not survive this Edward," I said back to him, knowing it was the truth.

It was quiet for a few moments before Edward spoke again, "I know," he said deflated, "but you will, and that's more important."

I felt a sharp prick on my arm as a haze covered my eyes and my body went limp. I was still fairly aware as Carlisle and Edward checked me over, taking vitals and prodding at my belly. It was almost like one of those nightmares out of a horror movie where the victim is left helpless, unable to even scream for help. If I wasn't crazy before, I would be after this.

"Alright, let's begin," Carlisle said softly as he pushed a syringe full of a clear liquid into my IV. The last sensation I felt was love. Love from Masen_. I love you too, I'm so sorry I failed you. I hope you find peace that I surely never will,_ I thought to him. The darkness took me as a life was about to be ripped from me.


	10. Alone

**Author's Note: Wow! You know I am a little surprised with some of the hate mail for Edward I'm getting via reviews. Interesting, because when you think about it, this is totally in character for him and I'm betting most of you are team Edward? The only one in this story that I'll admit is a little OOC is Rosalie, and she's not really a starring role. In any case, keep the reviews coming, I don't get a chance to respond to all of them, but I do read them all! Things are going to be angsty for a while here- big surprise, right! Know that I do believe in the happy ending, and though you probably doubt it, I promise I will be able to get them there- without compromising the story or belittling Bella's trauma. With all that in mind, I give you: Alone**.

Alone

Awareness slowly crept over me as I drifted away from the darkness. The first sensation I felt was pain. In my disoriented state I couldn't locate the source of the hurt only that it was there on so many levels. I fluttered my eyes open softly squinted in the bright light. I felt a soft, cold squeeze of my left hand and heard a familiar melodic voice speak.

"She's waking up," he spoke softly. "Bella, can you hear me?"

I opened my eyes and looked around me. I was in Edward's room, tucked into our soft bed. There were some bright lights and an IV bag hanging above me. Everything else looked as I remembered it. I didn't remember falling asleep though. How had I gotten here?

Besides the pain, I knew my brain wasn't functioning on all pistons- I felt slow and confused. They my eyes met his and I was so afraid. My heart stuttered in my chest picking up pace as I squirmed away from him. The movement revealed the source of my pain as I curled and hunched over in the bed trying to find relief.

"Does it hurt? Lay back sweetie, let us take a look," Edward urged.

I squirmed away from him more, I didn't want him touching me, though I still didn't fully understand.

"Edward, back off," another familiar voice spoke. I glanced around to see Carlisle. I stopped squirming as Edward stepped away, but still felt fearful. The room was quiet for a few moments. I squinted my eyes shut trying to clear my head.

Then it all started coming back to me. I was pregnant, _was_. Little Masen. Running from the Cullens, hiding, being so ill and the foreign emotions that weren't mine. I was suddenly sick and nauseated. A plastic bowl was quickly placed in front of me but I only managed dry heaves.

Once I stopped I curled into a fetal position and shook uncontrollably. The tears streamed down my face as blankets were pulled up around me.

"She's obviously in pain Carlisle- give her something!"

"Edward we can't keep her sedated forever, she will have to face this as will you. Our choices have consequences, you knew the price-"

"I don't care about me! I don't want her in pain anymore- she has suffered enough."

His words rang familiar in my own ears:_ I don't care about me! Edward don't do this, please don't do this. _Edward had done this, but I had let him, and the rest of them had aided.

"Jasper?" I heard Edward's soft voice call out.

I sensed him walk in the room. "She's afraid of you- terrified. Devastated…" he trailed off. I glanced up enough to see him sink to the floor at the foot of my bed with his head bowed. The fear dissipated, but the pain lingered.

Edward walked toward the door with his head bowed, he turned back before walking out, "I know I will never gain forgiveness for my sin against you, but I am sorry. I'm sorry that you got pregnant, I'm sorry that I let it get so far, I'm sorry that we hurt you…" he seemed to choke up on that as his eyes met mine.

"Not yet Edward," I heard Jasper say, "She's not ready yet."

Not ready? Not ready for what? Not ready for him to beg my forgiveness? No- he understood fully what he was doing and what the consequences would be. He would never earn my forgiveness- besides he was sorry for the wrong things.

I didn't even know that I could ever forgive myself.

Exhaustion overtook me though pain still rippled through my abdomen. Darkness took me anyways, and I slept like the dead- if only it were that easy.

I had no comprehension of time that had passed. I awoke to find Alice and Esme there with food, Jasper still stationed at the foot of my bed. They kindly coaxed and encouraged me to eat, but I had embraced the emptiness inside me- I deserved the pain.

I think Jasper kept me from breaking. He couldn't keep the darkness from over taking my heart though. I had messed up, made a bad move and Masen's life was lost. I was supposed to protect him, and I had failed him.

"Bella, I get the anger and even the fear- but the guilt? None of this was your fault. So unless you are feeling guilty for running away from us, or for forcing Edward to make such a decision on his own, stop it. And even if that is the case, Bella, you weren't in your right mind. I think even you are coming to realize that."

Forcing Edward to make such a decision on his own? I didn't force Edward to do this. This was entirely in character for him though, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised. They say people don't change- it applies even more so to my vampire. Edward was the same man he had always been, the man I had fallen in love with and the man I now feared and hated. He is the same man who lied to me repeatedly, withheld important information like when the Victoria was creating her newborn army and perhaps the worst yet: Edward was still the man who _left_ me in the forest after deciding for me that it was safer if he left me.

"There you go, I'm alright with the anger. The guilt over failing the monster that was growing inside of you is not fair. You never had a chance hiding from all of us- it was pure luck that you evaded us as long as you did."

On some level I wondered if maybe he was right.

There was a soft knock on the door and my head snapped in that direction. Carlisle and Esme walked in.

"Jasper, you need to hunt," Carlisle spoke to his son.

I saw Jasper rise from the foot of his bed, but he turned to me before walking out and met me with coal black eyes, "I'll be back soon, you'll be fine." He gave me a calm smile before walking out the door.

I felt him leave. Really _felt_ him leave. My body started to shake and tremble as I broke out in a cold sweat. It was overwhelming: the fear, anger and guilt all merged and collided in my heart.

"Bella?" Carlisle spoke softly to me, "Just relax, I know you're frightened. I need to check your bandages, do you think you could let me do that?"

I was still shaking as he walked slowly over to me, Esme following behind. I was still lying on my side and cured in on myself. He looked up to the IV bag hanging above me and seemed to contemplate something before looking back to my eyes. Esme had walked around to the other side of the bed and was no longer in my line of sight. I felt Esme gently pull on my shoulder, forcing me to lie on my back. My legs flopped down on the soft mattress as my hands still rested protectively on my abdomen.

Then I realized: what was I protecting? I had nothing left to protect, nothing left to love. No life growing inside of me, no husband, no family- I had nothing.

I let my hands fall to my side as my tears dried up and emptiness filled my soul again. My body stopped shaking as Carlisle and Esme shifted and folded back the blankets to reveal my bandaged mid-section. I felt the tape being peeled back as I just shut my eyes in attempt to block it all out. Cold fingers lightly prodded and occasionally caused me to flinch and gasp.

"Bella, some discomfort is to be expected, but I can help with pain management. Can you rate the pain you are experiencing for me?"

I didn't respond to him. I didn't know if I would ever find my voice or be able to speak again, I didn't have words for anything yet. I just continued to zone out with my eyes closed until I felt the blankets cover me back up, then I resumed my fetal position on my side.

"Would you be alright with me sending in Edward? He would like to see you." I felt my heart speed up at the mention of his name. There were a few moments of silence before they Carlisle left the room, just leaving me with Esme. I figured out they were taking turns with me and unwilling to leave me alone.

I was alone regardless of who was in the room with me.


	11. Don't

Don't

Time passes.

In the silence, I was left to sort my thoughts. Thoughts about the past and thoughts about my future. In order to decide where to go from here, I had to come to terms with what brought me here.

I had fallen in love with Edward and married him. We had a magical honeymoon together, but I accidently ended up pregnant. It was an accident; we had never intended or even spoken of children. It wasn't supposed to be even possible.

The little bit of pregnancy I went through was rough. Not normal and not healthy by any definition. According to Carlisle and Edward, I would not have been able to bring the pregnancy to term. Were they lying to me?

It was possible, but honestly I didn't think they were lying to me. That doesn't mean that it was necessarily truth though. I believed they were wrong, so I left. I ran and successful hid from them for several days. Not long enough, they caught up with me and performed the abortion against my wishes.

Carlisle had declared me mentally incompetent at the time. Looking back now on that time with a clear head, I would admit that I was a little off, but mentally incompetent and incapable of making decisions was really pushing it. I wasn't that far gone and Edward knew my opinion all along anyways. Yet he made the decision to act against my clear wishes.

He was trying to save me, I understood that. But he was trying to save me when he left me before. He was wrong then, and he was wrong now again.

So now what?

I was married to him and I did not take that lightly. I was supposed to join him for eternity. The Volturi were still out there and still waiting for me to change. But I wasn't sure I wanted that anymore. Did I still have a choice?

Jasper came back in the room and sank down to his normal spot at the foot of my bed. He brought with him peace as Alice came in behind him.

"Hi Bella," she spoke sadly to me. "Let's get you cleaned up, it will make you feel better." I didn't really acknowledge her except with a short nod of my head. Alice was my best friend and like a sister to me. They were all family now. If they were lead to believe that I was mentally unstable and that I was dying, could I honestly fault them for trying to help? No, no I couldn't- they were mislead. That doesn't mean they were completely innocent, but maybe I would be able to forgive them, one day.

Alice used a warm, damp cloth to wipe the grime from me and clean me up. She helped me into some loose flannel pants and a comfy tee, not at all her usual dress up. She brushed out my hair and cleaned up my face. Then she sat on my bed quietly holding my hand as Rosalie walked in.

"We umm," Rosalie stuttered. I had never seen her so unconfident and broken. "We thought it might help bring closure if you got to say goodbye." My frantic eyes met hers immediately. "We're laying the," she paused and forced out the word, "baby to rest by the river out back. Would you like to come?"

My jaw feel slack as tears welled up anew even in Jasper's presence. Not that I had any doubts, but it reminded me of how real and tragic this all was. I nodded again as my face fell.

Emmet came in behind Rosalie and easily lifted me from my bed as Alice disconnected the IV tube, leaving the stent in. They threw a blanket over me and carried me outside. The sky was grey and the wind held a chill grasped my bones even through the blankets. I could hear the gentle trickle of the river that flowed behind the Cullen mansion.

The rest of the Cullen family were there standing near the river and I was surprised to see Jacob with them. Edward made eye contact with me briefly before I glanced away from him. Part of me wanted to demand that he leave, but in the end this wasn't about Edward. This was about me putting my unborn child to rest.

The small coffin was sealed shut and I had no desire to look inside, I knew he was in there.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for another," Carlisle began to speak.

He went on and the others said a few words as well. It should have made everything hurt worse, but it was a relief they were finally acknowledging the life that was growing inside of me.

"Ya know this kinda sucked." Jacob's words stood out to me, he was blunt and not as eloquent as the others. "We either could have lost both or saved one by sacrificing the other. So we sacrificed, and it was tragic. The sacrifice will not go ignored, baby Cullen should be respected and treated with dignity. She will be welcomed into the spirit world."

_She?_

All heads whipped towards Jacob as my hand quickly covered my mouth. I gasped back a cry as the pain ripped anew in my heart. Emmet sank to the ground with my quivering form as Jasper came up beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder trying to absorb some of the pain and confusion. I had been wrong, I was so certain it was a boy. It wasn't; my baby was a girl. Not that the gender of my child made any difference in the tragedy. It only confused me more, and brought the pain back to the surface.

Esme spoke a few words before turning to me, "Bella, is there anything you would like to say before we lay her to rest?"

I had so much to say and no words at all. The pain was still all too near. Silence seemed fitting, so I just sat there on the damp grass quietly starring at the little wooden box. After a few moments they lowered her into the ground.

The grave was quickly covered and a hand carved stone moved into place that simply read, "Baby Girl Cullen, a life sacrificed for love." Beautiful flowers quickly covered the ground all around placed by my family.

Emmet reached down to lift me and carry me away but I motioned for him to stop. He left me there as did Jacob and the rest of the Cullens- save one. I didn't look at him as he sat there across from me on the other side of the grave, though I could feel his gaze focused on me.

I was going to have a daughter, and I lost her, and in the words of my best friend, _it sucked._ It did bring me some relief that she hadn't just been thrown out like medical waste. That Edward and Carlisle cared enough to treat her with dignity. But she had deserved so much more that I had not been strong enough to give her.

"I can tell you're blaming yourself again," my husband across from me spoke. "Don't. This was my choice, my burden to bear- not yours."

_His choice, his burden._ This had nothing to do with him! I flung my arm out and pointed back towards the house. He got the hint and left me there to finally mourn the loss of my child in peace.

Time passes.

Even as I sat there in the cold, at the graveside of the child I would never hold, the day wore on. As the sun set I heard a set of feet come out to meet me. I glanced up from my tear dried eyes to see Jasper. He reached down and lifted me to carry me back inside the house. I didn't put up any fight, there was nothing more that I could do here.

Once he got me inside he sat me down at the rarely used dinner table. Esme brought me warm chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

Of the many terrible things I felt at that moment, hunger was not one of them.

I shook my head softly hoping they would just let me retire back to my lonely bed. "You need to eat something dear, please?" Esme requested softly. I looked up to plead with her but saw that I had an audience: Carlisle stood behind her with his arms crossed in front of his chest with a clear look in his eye that he was analyzing me, Jasper stood beside Alice looking worn out and with black eyes again already, and Alice looked the most un-kept I had ever seen her.

I picked up the spoon and stirred it around the soup, but after a few moments of staring at it I simply put the spoon down and pushed my chair back to stand up. Four hands immediately gripped my shoulders to steady me. I knew it was Alice and Esme. They slowly helped me walk back up the stairs to my room.

They got me back and tucked in. Carlisle came in shortly thereafter. He hooked back up my IV and looked at me concerned, "It would really help if you tried to eat something."

I didn't acknowledge him. I watched as he injected my tube with several fluids, I met his eyes at this, "antibiotics," he explained with one word.

He left me in peace a few moments later, too bad it didn't last.

Edward came walking in. He pulled up a chair beside our bed and sat down. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him nervously fisting his hands.

"I understand why you're not talking to me," he began. _He_ _had no idea why I wasn't talking to him._

"But we do need to speak, I need to talk to you." _Always his needs._

"When I brought you back here, you said our marriage would not survive this and I understood that and sacrificed that to save you." _Ohh he was pushing it now, what did he know of sacrifice?_

"So I'll make this easy on you, I'm leaving."

Silence filled the room for a few moments as I reached the end of my rope.

For the first time since waking up I spoke, "Don't."

**Author's note: Ohhh a cliffy! I know- I'm mean. I've already written what happens next and I'm excited to share it with you. But out of curiosity, what do you think Bella is about to do? Beg him "Don't go"? Beg him "Don't ever come back?" Tell him "Don't let the door hit you on the way out?" Maybe she'll just hit him upside the head with a baseball bat as one of you suggested! Ha! Share your thoughts by clicking review! **


	12. Broken

**Author's Note: Wow so first of all, I am admitting that I was truly frightened to post this chapter. Y'all have some VERY PASSIONATE opinions about this story. It makes me sooo nervous that some may not like where it goes. Whew! Anyways nervous twitches aside, the story marches on. On a side note I finally put a little info about me on my profile- just a little, then I got back to writing…..**

Broken

"So I'll make this easy on you, I'm leaving."

Silence filled the room for a few moments as I reached the end of my rope.

For the first time since waking up I spoke, "Don't."

"Don't you dare!" I continued as I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the edge. I stood up in front of him as he rose from his chair as well.

"You asshole! You don't get to leave me now!" I poked him in the chest with my finger. "You don't get to walk away from this that easy Cullen!"

He let me continue with a sorrowful look on his face, "Is that how you solve everything?" I sneered at him. "We have problems and you run? We are threatened by something and you make decisions without me, against my will! You think you can control everything and everyone, you think you know what's best?"

I wound my hand back far and let it rip on him as I slapped him across the face. The loud _thwak_ and crunch sound that followed reminded me that his face was made of stone. Dammit! Ouch! I cringed and sat back down on the bed cradling my hand, proud that I'd put some force behind it as Edward had encouraged me in the past.

"Get out," I ordered him. "Get out of this room now, but don't you dare even think about leaving jack ass!"

He walked quietly out of the room with his head bowed. My hand throbbed and I was certain I had broken bones. Should have used one of their baseball bats or something.

Not five seconds later there was a soft knock on the door as I sat back down on the bed. Carlisle walked in, "I heard those bones crunch from down stairs," he began.

"You sure you want to walk into this lion's den," I interrupted him. He backed off over by the dresser and seemed to brace and prepare himself for this.

And I didn't waste any time reaming into him, "I get that I was a 'high risk pregnancy'" I used my fingers as quotes. "And maybe I was a few cards short in my deck, but I was far from being unable to make my own medical decisions. Edward wronged me by consciously disregarding my wishes but you," my brows furrowed in anger. "You opened that door for him to walk through, you enabled him."

"You have every right to be mad." Carlisle had the gall to speak back to me at least. "I was wrong to declare you incompetent. I should have had an outside Physc consult do it. I was too close to this case, but there wasn't time and we really couldn't bring in outside help."

"I don't want to hear it," I was flat with him. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I was right, that maybe," I almost said Masen, but caught myself, "maybe I could hear her? It's not so farfetched you know with Edward reading minds, maybe it was an ability!"

He nodded to me and met my eyes, "Yes, I considered that. But one way you were incompetent and the other you were being influenced by an unborn vampire, so it was a moot point. Either way I felt you shouldn't be the only one involved in the decision."

"I wasn't involved in the decision at all! You," I stuttered, "You and Edward decided I wasn't strong enough, that I wouldn't make it. You were going to change me anyways, what about that moot point!"

I was still yelling at Carlisle though he just spoke back to me, "What if we had to change you while you were pregnant? That would have been inhumane to the fetus, to never be born, never live and never die, to be stuck somewhere in between for all eternity. Not to mention I'm certain you didn't want to spend eternity pregnant. In my professional opinion you _**were not**_," he emphasized the words, "going to be able to carry to term, to where the fetus would have survived outside your body. It would have gone downhill fast, we may not have had time to abort the baby before we ended up having to change you. All that aside Bella, there are some injuries that our venom cannot heal. We couldn't risk it."

"Are you done now, feel better?" I taunted the three hundred sixty year plus vampire. His mouth dropped open a little but I continued before he could hop back on his soap box, "You can disagree with me and I can disagree with you, but it was wrong to force something like that on me." The adrenaline and anger was starting to wear off and the throbbing pain in my cradled hand became more noticeable.

"That's fair- will you let me take a look at that hand?" I was far from forgiving any of them, but I felt better having aired out a little of my anger.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I broke something," I glanced down at my now swollen and coloring fingers.

Carlisle sat down on the bed beside me flipping on a few lights then taking my hand into his cool one. He lightly squeezed and closely examined the offending fingers. I tried to keep the flinches to a minimum.

"Well this one is an incomplete linear fracture," he ran his finger over my middle one. "And this one is dislocated," he said pointing to the awkward joint on my pinky. He pulled some tape out of his bag and put it on the table with scissors. He proceeded to wrap the broken one to my pointer finger. Once he was done with that, he spoke again, "I have to perform a reduction on this one," I looked at him curiously. "I have to pop it back in place."

I grimaced at the visual that gave me as he took a good hold of the pinky and my wrist and warned me, "This is going to hurt."

"Great cause Lord knows I'm not in enough pain," I squealed as he pulled hard and realigned the bone, quickly taping it up as soon as it was in place.

Once he was done he sat in the chair Edward was in before. "Bella, there is something else I need to talk to you about," he began cautiously. "There is no real easy way to explain this, there were some complications with the abortion."

"Of course there were, you had to cut me open, I was starting to wonder if you were going to explain," I replied.

"You are going to be fine Bella, but you will probably have difficulty if you should choose to become pregnant again someday."

"Are you saying I won't be able to get pregnant?" I asked him, I wasn't at all sure how I felt about that.

"No! No, not at all. You shouldn't have any fertility problems or difficulty getting pregnant. But there was some cervical damage and tearing."

I shook my head at him, "What does that mean?"

"The damage and weakening can cause an incompetent cervix, meaning that you might be unable to carry the weight of a later pregnancy. The cervix opens prematurely resulting in a miscarriage or premature birth. It doesn't mean you can't try and it doesn't mean you can't have a baby one day, it just means it's going to be hard."

I could tell looking at Carlisle he was more devastated by this than I was. I didn't know what to do with the information; I had never really wanted children and I had paid so dearly already. At least it wasn't hopeless, "We'll deal with it when and if we ever cross that bridge," though I was far from forgiving any of them, I would give my father-in-law some peace. "I know you did everything you could Carlisle."

"I'm very sorry that this all unfolded as it did, it is truly tragic," he said solemnly.

"Me too Carlisle, me too."

He moved to the bed and sat beside me. We just there like that for a while.

My life had taken me to a place I never dreamed of, not even in my nightmares surprisingly enough. I was at such a loss of what to do. Part of me wanted to leave Edward and the rest of the Cullens forever- the other part didn't know if I could survive being apart from him again. And in the back of my mind was the ever looming deadline on my mortality.

What if I changed my mind?

No, it wasn't really an option. The Volturi would come down on the entire family, not to mention me and possibly mine. They were infamous for being very through.

So I still had to go through with the change. That didn't mean I had to stay.

Carlisle broke the long silence, "I can take out the stitches tomorrow, if you decide you no longer want to be with Edward, we can make arrangements."

This family was truly broken, on so many levels and in so many ways. I wondered if it was beyond repair? Should I just cut my losses and try life- vampire life that, is on my own?

I shook my head, "Carlisle I don't know what I'm going to do, but I think I need some time away. How long do you think I have before the Volturi come?"

"That shouldn't be part of your decision, we'll deal with them," he looked at me firmly.

"No, I may have some pretty strong feelings against your family right now, and I wouldn't mind seeing Edward loose a limb or two, but I don't want you all slaughtered. Besides, I don't need to be Alice to know you don't win that fight. After they finish with you they come after me and mine next anyways. I just need time to figure out what I want to do."

"Alice has already seen- the guard will be here in less than a month."

**A/N: So hopefully I didn't disappoint? Please review and share your thoughts: passion and all. I try to respond to them, but sometimes if I did respond it would give away the story line, and I don't want to ruin it. And if you're feeling generous, give me some love- I'm shaking here hoping you liked it….. 184**


	13. Another Letter

**Author's note: So a couple things to clear up. Did Jake imprint? No, he never saw the baby, so no imprinting. Second thing, Carlisle didn't say Bella would never be able to have another child, just that it might be hard. This came out of some of the research I've been doing, sadly it's pretty common for women to experience after having an abortion. Anyways, thanks again for all the reviews! Here's another sad chapter, I gotta get these character to a happy place and soon- cause it's just depressing.**

Another Letter

Carlisle left the room shortly thereafter.

One month- that didn't give me much time. I needed more time than that: more time to heal, more time to decide, more time to make peace. But in the end I would take what I could get.

I got little rest that night trying to decide where I was going. Though my mother was high maintenance and allot of work, I needed family. I called her first thing that morning to tell her I was coming. I booked a hotel nearby, not wanting to be a burden on her.

I packed up a bag with the essentials and booked a flight on the computer using my credit card. The first flight available was for later in the afternoon, a seat in coach direct to Florida.

After I had booked my flight, I made my way into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. That was the first time I had eaten since Sequim. I didn't feel good, but I felt better. I was relieved to be leaving, but scared of what the weeks ahead would bring me.

As I ate my lullaby filled the mansion as Edward tapped it out on his piano. It amazed me how it held no meaning for me anymore. Once I finished eating, I approached Alice, "Hey Alice, can I get a ride to the airport?"

She nodded to me, "Of course Bella; you're coming back?" It was half a question- half an answer.

I didn't answer her, instead I said, "I need to leave in an hour." I walked away and back upstairs to put things in order and pack a bag. I was ready to go- so ready.

Only one thing left to do. I decided to leave a letter for Edward, it was just easier that way. I figured he was around the house somewhere, sulking away. I sat at that familiar desk and found the letter I had written him a couple weeks ago when I had run. It was so strange to read it now: I had professed my undying love for him then and begged him to forgive me for leaving him. Ohh how the pieces have fallen. I pulled out a fresh piece of paper and scrawled out a new letter as best I could with my damaged fingers.

_Dear Edward,_

_Whatever I decide, you will see me again and I will settle this with you. I wish I had more time, but alas time was never on my side. I will return two weeks from today and expect you to fulfill your promise to change me._

_It wasn't so long ago that I wrote you a note before leaving. I asked you to watch over my heart for I had left it with you. I no longer have a heart so I leave this with you instead._

_Bella_

I gazed down at the antique wedding ring on my left finger. I remembered back when I was so hesitant to take it. As I tear rolled down my cheek I removed it from my finger and placed it on the letter, folding it in place.

I picked up my bags and walked out of the room and down the stairs. Alice met me in the foyer and we walked out of the house together. I didn't pause to look back on the faces of my family, nor wish them any sort of farewell.

Once we got out of Forks, I started conversation with her. "Alice, I know this is hard. Is there anything that you've seen that can help me?"

"Bella, you're so undecided that I can't see much of anything. The Volturi arrive in a month and you're vampire, but beyond that, there are many possibilities. Is it bad that I'm relieved that you have a future again at all- whatever it might be?"

"What are you talking about Alice?" I asked confused.

"I told you you disappeared while you were pregnant. Though things won't be easy, no matter what path you chose. You go on, you survive this at least."

I nodded to her, it was a little comforting knowing that I would survive. It felt like that is what I had been doing for so long, not living -only surviving. I cringed internally at the thought of _surviving _for an eternity.

The rest of the car ride to the airport was relatively quiet. As Alice drove off the Seattle ferry she spoke again, breaking the long silence, "Bella, there is something else I need to say," she paused hesitantly. "I know it will never make it right, but I am sorry for my part that I played in this. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, I should have fought harder for you. I don't deserve it so I won't even ask for your forgiveness, but I am sorry none the less."

One part of what she said stood out to me, "you fought for me?" I was suddenly very curious what happened after I left.

"Yes, at first I did. I told them they were pushing you too hard, that for better or worse this had to be your decision. But Carlisle and Edward were convinced you were going to die, and I couldn't prove otherwise, then Edward said you were hearing voices, and you seemed a little off and well- I… I made a mistake and I wronged you. We all did, very consciously, because at the time it seemed like the best option. The only option where you lived, and here we are now, and I think we messed up. I'm not saying that you should have gone forward with the pregnancy. Bella, how much exactly did Carlisle explain to you?"

"He said there were complications and that I might have trouble carrying a pregnancy to term if I should decide to become pregnant in the future."

"Did he explain why there were complications," Alice asked.

"No, I guess I just assumed," I trailed off uncertain I wanted to hear all of this.

"It was as they feared, the fetus was feeding off you," Alice began.

I interrupted her there, I had heard this before, "That's what babies normally do in the womb Alice, even after they are born they feed off their mother!"

"It was ingesting your blood. Your body was trying to abort the pregnancy itself, that's why you were so sick. The fetus had attached itself so strongly, that's why there were complications. Our bad decision was not advising the abortion, it was forcing it. And for that, for our sin against you, I am sorry."

Alice pulled the car into the airport terminal, I hadn't realized how close we were. "I know Alice, just give me some time to sort this out." I gave her a sincere look as I gathered myself and she parked the car on the curb. I stepped out and grabbed my bags, giving her a half smile and half hug before walking into the terminal.

I quietly made my way amongst the busy travelers. My heart dropped when I saw a small, empty table, one that I had sat at not too long ago. I looked around and it was so horribly familiar: the food, the ATM I had pulled money out of and my little table. Now more than ever I was certain I needed to get away from these reminders to clear my head and make my choice.

I turned my back and quickly made my way to my gate. The flight boarded on-time and only six hours later I was walking off the plane.

It was late, the sun had set, but the humidity was disgusting the second I stepped out of the air conditioned air port. Not five minutes later I saw my mom and Phil drive up to the curb. Phil hopped out and helped me with my luggage and gave me a hug. My mom followed quickly thereafter. I hoped in the backseat awkwardly, feeling a little out of place.

"Are you sure you won't stay with us dear?" my mom began, "we can make space."

"No, it's not necessary, I'm actually looking forward to a little time on my own," I admitted.

"You can be so much like your father," she commented.

It was a torturous three hour drive to my hotel. My mom insisted on talking about what happened. I had expected that.

I kept as close to the truth as I could without going into any of the supernatural aspects of my life. I told her I had gotten pregnant and very sick, while I was unconscious Edward made the decision to abort.

"Who the hell did he think he was?" she proclaimed.

"He thought he was saving my life," I blurted out. _Wait! What the hell- did I just defend him!_ I shook my head as a tear rolled down my face. We pulled into the hotel just in time, before I had a complete meltdown. I quickly checked into my room and crashed on the bed as soon as my worrisome mother left.

As I laid there on the unfamiliar bed, I looked around the generic hotel room and was reminded of the several nights I spent alone hiding in hotels. It seemed to me I would never escape and never forget that horrible time. It would haunt me- for eternity- literally.


	14. A Fresh Distraction

**Author's Note: First of all, a gigantic THANKYOU to my new beta: HopingForLove! It's awesome to have such a talented gal helping me with this story. **

A Fresh Distraction

The weeks in Florida were exactly what I needed- a distraction. My mom showed me around the town and we even took a day to swing through Disney World. I was too busy to really even think about all of what had happened to me.

The night of my seventh day in Florida was when my mother first decided to bring up the inevitable. "You're not wearing your wedding ring," she began.

"No, not for now," I answered hesitantly.

"Does that mean that you have decided to leave him," she asked me as neutrally as possible, though I could tell she was hoping I wouldn't.

"I honestly don't know mom, I promised I would come back in two weeks to settle this, but I don't know. It's not enough time, I'm starting to think that maybe I'll go back and just see how it goes- decide later when I'm ready" I trailed off.

"Honey, you know I'm not exactly a life coach," she grinned at me, "but there is one thing I learned from my time with your father. There is no in-between and wait and see. It only leaves you bitter and unhappy in the long run. You have to decide: either you can leave him or stay. If you leave him, you shake the dust from your feet and move on, not looking back. If you stay with him, then you have to let it go eventually and get on with your life. But you can't linger where you are, somewhere in between, that would destroy your soul."

"I'm not even sure leaving is really an option," I admitted with trepidation, she had no idea how tightly I was truly bound.

"Of course it is an option, this is America. Don't stay because you feel like you have to, stay because you want to. Have you thought about where you would go?"

I nodded, "I was accepted to Dartmouth, but Edward was too, so I don't know."

"It's a big campus. If you choose to leave him then don't let him influence your decisions," she said simply.

"But what if I make the wrong choice? What if I want to forgive him, but I simply can't?"

"I'm not saying that he deserves your forgiveness, but maybe consider forgiving him in either scenario."

I looked at her curiously, "What do you mean? If I forgive him, I stay with him."

"No," she answered, "Forgiving him isn't just about him, it's about you too. It will give you closure and peace. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you're acknowledging that what he did was alright, it's more like showing him mercy. I am certain Edward is very sorry for this, and although you may decide you no longer want to spend your life with him, you are not the hateful type. Though you have every right to be angry with him, one day you'll want nothing but peace. And you won't find it so long as your heart knows he is suffering."

I shook my head, "When did you become all wise?"

"Phil's been dragging me to a little church; I really like it," she winked at me. I wondered if it just wasn't another phase for my mom, but I hoped not. It seemed she was doing well and was happy.

I went back to my hotel room and settled in for the night with quite a lot to think about. Since I couldn't decide what I wanted to do, I decided to map out both paths.

In either case I was stuck with the Cullens for the next year or so. I only had a few weeks left in this human life then I would be a blood-crazed newborn for at least a year. I needed them to keep me under control- I had no desire to be a murderer.

My first option was to stay, make amends and move on. My mother was right, if I stayed, I couldn't hold this against him for eternity. We would have to reconcile and move on. On the plus side, time would be on my side for once- we would have eternity to somehow start over.

The other option was to leave. I could go through the change then strike out on my own, forever a nomad. Fate had been kind enough to bring me my soul mate, I was certain lighting would not strike twice. I would never find another Edward especially not amongst the vampire kind. From what I have gathered, the only other vegetarian clan out there is Tanya's clan- no way I'm joining them. Becoming a vampire would also estrange me from my best friend, Jake. Granted he betrayed me as well, but I was losing everyone down this path.

Wandering the earth alone for all time, feeding on animals, avoiding the sun and notice of humans- it was a dreary future that awaited me down that road. Forever eighteen, I'd never be able to hold a real job or anything beyond the menial and mundane. Without love, suddenly eternity seemed like a very long and pointless time.

To an outsider, maybe the simple choice was to stay with Edward, but it wasn't that easy. If I couldn't forgive him, if I couldn't move on, I would be trapping myself in a worse place. Certainly the absence of love and companionship had to be a better place than living in hate even if surrounded by others?

That night, sleep evaded me once again. The next morning I got up early and walked the streets of Jacksonville. I came across a book store and for the first time in my life, I walked out with a Science Fiction/ Fantasy type book. I found the summary interesting- body snatching aliens, rebel humans- I decided I needed an out of body experience. It was a thick book too- it would keep me busy for a few weeks, maybe.

After a little more walking I found a little coffee shop and ordered a hot tea- I could never handle the caffeine in coffee. I sat in the cute little bistro, sipping my tea and reading my new book. The alien was apparently reliving the host's last moments before capture. It hooked me right in, surprisingly enough, since my personal library was mostly filled with the classics.

A movement at my table caught my attention as a young gentleman sat down across from me. "Hope you don't mind me joining you, seems there are no open tables," he began in a tenor voice. He was easily early twenties, wearing casual jeans and a UCF shirt. His hair was a few shades darker than mine, his eyes that gazed at me through his thin rimmed glasses were a hazel green that reminded me of the moss that clung to the trees back in Forks.

I shook my head suddenly realizing I had been staring at him and looked around the bistro to confirm that in fact, yes, the only open seat was the one across from me that the dark haired, green eyed stranger now occupied. "Sure, no worries," I finally replied awkwardly.

"You don't quite seem like the body-snatching-aliens book type," he commented.

"I'm trying to branch out and try something new, figured you don't get further _out_ there that aliens, right?" I responded back with a grin.

"Actually it's a really good book, more about humans than aliens. I think you'll like it, it's almost like looking at humanity from the outside and seeing us from a much different perspective," he replied with a heartwarming smile.

I don't know why, but I was enjoying talking to him and it was refreshing, "So what are you reading about," I motioned to his shut book that he had removed the cover from. I did that as well to save the cover and keep it looking nice, then put it back on when I was done with the book.

"Hmm, well it's a little hard to describe, there are these teens and they are selected for a game show of types, kind of like survivor, only it's to the death and televised. It's a little overwhelming, I can't imagine being in that situation- kill or be killed and to know thousands are watching and betting like it's all nothing," he tailed off passionately.

"Sounds interesting, so you go to University of Central Florida?" I asked.

"Third year pre-med, and you?" he smiled back.

"I'm headed up to Dartmouth in the fall for my first semester, I'm majoring in English studies," I told my story.

"Dartmouth, in cold New York? Yikes, well you'll have to fly down here often to get your Vitamin D."

Suddenly my phone vibrated and squealed some annoying ringtone as I fumbled to answer it, "Hi mom," I smiled back at my new friend as my mom spoke.

"Honey, where are you, are we still catching the matinee today?" she asked a little flustered.

"Ohh! I totally lost track of time, yeah. I'll meet you at the theater in fifteen." I closed my phone and gathered my belongings.

"Hey," UCF interrupted me, "how much longer you in town for?" he asked.

"Uhh, another week," I bit my lip nervously unsure where this was headed.

"Can I give you my number? Maybe we can hang out and talk about crazy books," he asked a little timidly.

I hesitated, "Well, okay sure," I decided- why not after all? A book buddy would be fun.

"My name is David, by the way," he reached over and shook hands with me, his grip was warm and secure.

"Bella," I responded simply with a smile.

He jotted his number down on a napkin and I folded it, placing it my book to mark my page. I walked out of the bistro and waved goodbye to him.

I met my mom at the movie on time, though I spent most of my time thinking of David. It was strangely appealing to suddenly know someone fresh, someone who wasn't tied up in all my drama, someone who just wanted to chat books with me. Maybe I would survive the next week after all.

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

That night, as I got back up to my hotel room, I saw a little red light on the room phone indicating I had a message. I curiously picked up the phone and pressed the red light. I was connected to the front desk where an overly perky girl answered the phone, "Front Desk," she squealed.

"Hi, I was just checking my messages and it put me through to you," I asked.

"Ohh yes, Swan? Room 4398?"

"Yep, that's me."

"You have a mail, I'll hold it here at the front desk to pick up when you like," she offered.

"Okay, thanks," I hung up the phone.

There was no way I was going to be able to wait until morning to find out what the letter was, so I made my way back to the front desk.

I walked up to the counter and asked for my mail. The hostess handed it to me with a fake smile. As I turned away I flipped the envelope over to see it addressed to me in plain type:

Bella Cullen

C/O Jacksonville Marriott 476 Main St.

Jacksonville FL 32745

It was sent certified mail, the envelope delicate and fancy type paper. There was no return address, but looking closer I could see the postage stamp from the post office, though it was slightly smeared and looked foreign.

My heart stopped as I made out the faded stamp on the battered, well traveled letter.

It read: Volterra, Italy.

**Author's End Note: Bonus points to those who can name the books Bella and David are reading! I always like to hear your thoughts, what do you think the letter is?**


	15. A New Day

**Author's note: Another huge thanks to HopingForLove, my awesome, lightning fast Beta!**

A New Day

I instantly ran from the hotel lobby and frantically pressed the elevator button repeatedly. It seemed to take forever so I gave up and dashed up the rarely used stairwell instead.

As soon as I got my door unlocked I shut it behind me and switched on all the lights in the bare hotel room. I flipped the letter over a couple more times, now nervous to even open it. Was it from the Volturi? Was my time up - why hadn't Alice warned me? I wasn't ready to go back to that world.

I slid my finger carefully under the sealed flap and opened the envelope as I sat at the small desk. I couldn't still the small tremble in my hand as I pulled the letter out. I slowly unfolded the neat paper that was adorned with an elegant script I instantly recognized as Edward's.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_To say I'm sorry for all of this would be a gross understatement. You deserve so much more and so much better. You deserve all the time you need and freedom from this life, if that is what you seek. _

_I wish I could give you so much more to make up for what I have taken from you._

_What I can give to you now is the time and freedom you need. I have negotiated with Aro and we have come to agreeable terms. You are no longer under any obligation to change. _

_If I have learned anything from our tragedy, it is that this needs to be your decision. If you should decide to return to me, I will hold to my word and very gladly spend eternity with you. If you wish to live a human life, which a less selfish part of me has always hoped you would do, you are now fully free to do so with no danger to you, family or friends._

_For the rest of my existence I will love you and cherish you, just as I promised to you the day I placed my mother's ring on your finger. If you choose to return to me, simply return to Forks. Though I am no longer there, Carlisle and Esme are, they will be able to reach me. _

_If you choose to move on with your life, simply do just that and know that you are safe from any retaliation from my kind._

_Yours Forever,_

_Edward_

I re-read the letter three times for good measure.

This changed everything- or did it? What possibly could Edward have offered the Volturi in exchange for their blind eye towards me?

It didn't make sense; I had seen the Volturi in action in our baseball field months ago. Images of the young vampire Bree being torched reminded me they were not at all the forgiving type. They were not the types to let someone like me exist; someone who knew their world.

It baffled my mind, but Edward would not mislead me about this. He would not risk all our family and friends for my freedom from my immortal promise. If he said I was free to take whatever time I wanted then I was, even if what I needed was a lifetime.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and for the first time in a very long time, it was not a tear of pain. It was a tear of relief. It felt like the elaborately knotted rope that was my heart finally started to unravel. I suddenly didn't _have_ to do anything.

Tomorrow would be a new day. Brand spankin' new.

********************************************************

I decided to take things one day at a time, figuring that I would see something, some sort of sign that would eventually direct me on my way. For now, I decided to take my time. I needed to do some healing on my own before I could really make this choice. I wanted to be whole again, because once I chose which door to walk through, that door would lock forever behind me.

The next day I decided to call Alice. I still wasn't ready for Edward, but the curiosity of how he had managed this with the Volturi was haunting me.

Alice didn't answer. Strange. Alice would have seen me calling, and would have normally made herself available. I was suddenly worried about her so I called the one person whom I was certain would know her location.

But Jasper didn't answer either.

As a last resort I called the home phone in Forks and finally got a familiar voice.

"Hello Bella," Esme answered with an ounce of fear in her voice that would have been hard to detect if I didn't know her so well.

"Hi Esme, I was trying to reach Alice, but she's not answering. I was worried, is everything alright?"

"Sure, of course, everything is fine, she's just not here," Esme was hiding something; she was not nearly as skilled in deceit as the rest of them.

"Do you know where she is or when she'll be back?" I prodded.

"Well, no. I can give her a message if you'd like?" She offered kindly.

"No that's ok, I'll just try her later," I replied.

"How are you doing dear?" she asked genuinely.

"Um, well, honestly better. Florida is nice, I think I might stay here a little while," I admitted.

"I can understand that, though we do miss you. Honey, I never had the chance before you left to apologize to you personally. I, of all people should have been more understanding, but Carlisle was so certain. I shouldn't have let him influence me so much, I am very sorry for my part that I played in this."

I really didn't know what to say. It wasn't the first apology I had heard from them, but what do you say when you're still not ready to forgive?

"I know Esme," I replied lamely, "I'll just call her back later. I was just worried."

"Alright dear, please let us know if there is anything we can do to help," she offered and I knew it wasn't in jest.

"I will, thank you Esme."

I hung up the phone and got back to my morning routine. After I had cleaned up I grabbed my book and decided to make my way to the coffee shop again for some breakfast.

The coffee shop wasn't nearly as busy today. I sipped my tea and munched on a blueberry muffin. I pulled out my book and opened it to the marked page when the folded napkin with David's number fell out.

I suddenly realized that I could make a life for myself here.

Or anywhere.

I looked around the bistro with a smile on my face as my eyes caught the backside of the "Help Wanted" sign that I had seen on my way in. As I finished my muffin I made my way back to the counter.

"Hello, how can I help you?" A friendly face greeted.

"Umm, yeah, I saw the sign and wanted to know if you were still hiring?"

"Let me go get my manager," the worker walked away.

Just a few moments later an older gentleman in pressed pants and an oxford shirt walked out from a back area.

"I understand you might be interested in the opening?" he asked me reached out his hand to shake mine.

"Yes sir," I answered respectfully.

He motioned over to a nearby table where we took a seat. I hadn't thought I would be interviewed on the spot. I was suddenly a little nervous, the only other job I had ever had was at Newton's Sporting Goods.

"Have you had any experience in the food industry?" he asked up front.

"Well no, my last job I worked at a sporting and outdoor goods store, but I'm good with people and money."

"Alright," the manager replied, "You seem like a nice girl, why don't you fill out this application here and bring it back tomorrow and we'll talk more then." He slid the application across the table to me and I took it from him after glancing at it briefly.

Another waiter walked up and seemed to need assistance, so the manager motioned me away with a smile.

I walked out of the bistro with my book in one hand and the application in the other. If I was going to stay here, I wanted to do so on my own dime, it would feel good to earn my own keep again.

The afternoon was sunny and bright, albeit awfully humid. Since I was applying for a new job, I also thought it might be a good idea to get an apartment. I picked up an apartment guide outside a supermarket and made a couple calls to get rates.

It had been a productive day and I was getting hungry for dinner. A random thought crossed my mind: how nice it would be to not go to dinner on my own. On a whim and with more guts than I ever knew I had, I found the folded napkin in my book and dialed David before I could change my mind.


	16. Building Trust

Building Trust

**EPOV** (Six months ago, just after Bella left the Cullens)

I was sitting in the living room with Alice watching my uncertain, dreary future unfold time and time again.

"She needs to have another option," I finally said to her out loud standing from my seat on the couch.

"There is no other choice Edward, the Volturi come no matter what," she said solemnly.

I thought hard about what I could possibly do to deter the Volturi. To keep them at bay. To fall off their radar.

Then it clicked in my head- the Volturi could be bought. Alice's eyebrows rose at the new option as I read back the possible future.

"It won't be enough," she concluded.

Her thoughts wandered on until I saw her plan, "No Alice," I weakly objected knowing that it was what was needed for Bella's freedom.

She shook her head back at me, "That will do it though. I wronged her too Edward, I wronged her too."

**BPOV**

Looking back my mother was right. Staying here- somewhere in between was a bad choice. It only took me six months to figure it out.

What amazed me the most was how fast the time had passed. I got into a pattern: work, eat, sleep, errands, dinner with my mom once a week and dinner with David once a week as well.

David was a good friend; I think he wanted something more but I didn't have anything more to give to him, so he settled nicely for being my friend. He visited when he would drive back from college every few weeks.

Six months taught me what life without Edward would truly be like. I thought it would be like before I met him, but I was wrong. It was more like when he left me. I was going to go back to at least try to fix this; it had to be better there then here, stuck in this empty rut.

I had already quit my job and packed what few belongings I had acquired and wanted to keep. I would be on a plane tomorrow for Seattle. I hadn't told them I was coming, but I figured Alice would already know. Not that we had really communicated much in the past six months. A few text messages here and there, only one brief phone call.

I had drifted apart from them, but I was ready to go back to where I belonged. Tonight was my last night in Florida and I was meeting with David. We met at the same little café that we had first encountered at months ago.

"So this is it." Our discussion finally reached the inevitable towards the end of the night.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go home," I replied.

"I know we don't talk about it much, but are you certain Bella?"

"No," I admitted, "I'm not sure of anything really, only that I need to be there. Once I get there I have no idea what I will do."

"Well that's life I suppose, do any of us really know what we're doing? My mom always said, 'fake it 'till you make it.'"

"I wanted to say thanks for being a good friend and wish you all the best."

"Same to you Cullen," he shook my hand from across the table as the waitress brought back the change. In a different life, we could have been good friends. In a different life, we might have been something more.

My life was on a different path, it always had been. Edward may have managed to reopen doors that I once thought had been forever sealed behind me, but that didn't change my destiny. I had no idea how I would ever get there, but I knew where I would end up.

I walked out of the little café and headed to my little apartment for one last night in hot, humid Florida. 

The flight back home was smooth. Charlie picked me up at Seattle. The ride home was mostly filled with awkward silence. He asked the same questions I had asked myself, and really had no answers for. I only knew I had to go back.

A little over three hours later we were pulling into the long driveway that lead to the Cullen mansion. Esme and Carlisle were waiting on the porch to greet me and helped carry in my bags. My dad drove away and seemingly out of my life again.

"Welcome back, Bella," Esme wrapped her arms around me and I returned the gesture.

"We're glad you came back," Carlisle agreed but made no movement towards me. I nodded to him before considering for a moment. Then I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around him as well. He seemed very relieved and even a little distraught by my gesture.

"We'll make this alright again," he assured.

I nodded in response to him. "Where is Edward?" I asked, knowing that is where I really needed to start.

"He's not here honey," Esme responded in a worried voice.

"Yeah, he had said in a letter though you would be able to contact him," I replied back.

Carlisle and Esme seemed distressed by this, "We have not heard from Edward in almost six months," Carlisle admitted with a façade of confidence.

I looked around the house and suddenly realized it was just Esme and Carlisle here. "Where are the others?" I enquired.

"Rosalie and Emmet are on a vacation," Esme said.

"Where is Edward?" My voice rose with agitation as they avoided my question.

It was Carlisle who met my eyes, "He's in Italy, Bella. Edward, Alice and Jasper are in Italy."

Italy? What are they doing in Italy?

"The Volturi?" I asked in fear; my last encounter with them had been anything but pleasant.

Esme looked away as Carlisle nodded his head. "How do we bring them back?" I asked.

"I don't know, but I have been unable to reach any of them aside from the occasional text from Alice assuring us they are unharmed. Dangerous as it might be, I think we'll have to go there."

"Then what are we waiting for? Book the flights," I insisted. I needed to see him, to talk to him. I needed him.

"Bella, you need to understand fully what you are walking into," Carlisle explained. "If you go there human, you will leave vampire. They will not allow you to continue to exist as is. I don't know what Edward has done to bargain your life, but I imagine if you show up with a beating heart it will end badly."

I hesitated. I had always claimed that it was the life that I wanted, but now I hesitated.

But in the end, this is where I still belonged. I needed him back. I nodded to Carlisle, "I understand." Then I looked down to the floor still feeling the loss of what I was giving up- life.

I felt a cold finger tip under my chin that raised my head up to meet Dr. Cullen's eyes. He stared at me for a few moments before nodding back.

"Alright, let me contact our travel agent. Are you ready to leave today?"

"Yes." My eyes didn't waver from his.

Three hours later we were back at Sea-Tac and I had an awful feeling I was about to have the worst case of jet lag ever.

The best we could do was two lay over's: one in Atlanta and one at Heathrow in London. I started to feel that sickly tired feeling when we got off the plane in Atlanta. It seems even flying first class catches up with you.

"Bella, can I get you something to eat?" Esme offered as we waited in the dark airport for the next leg of our journey.

The last thing I wanted to do was eat, but thinking back the last time I remembered eating was in Florida- and now here I was back on the east coast.

"Actually, I'll walk with you," I was exhausted but I wanted to walk around before the long flight across the Atlantic.

As we walked through the massive airport, we made our way to the few remaining open food shops. "He's working for them isn't he." I came out with the only theory that made sense. Why else had Edward stayed in Volterra?

"I think they all are," she replied sadly. "I've been so worried; but I worry about you too and what you are walking into."

"Esme," I started honestly as we continued our stroll through the terminal, "I spent too much time just existing; no matter what Edward has done I need him in my life. I don't know if we will ever be what we once where, but I know that I need him. There is nothing left for me out there, my life is with Edward, though I'm not sure how he fits in anymore."

"You are both two very different people now, but part of Edward is still the part that you fell in love with. And part of you is still the same Bella that he adores. The rest will work itself out." It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself rather than me.

We ended up stopping at a sandwich shop and I chose a foot long sub with all the veggies. I brought the sub and drink back to where Carlisle was seated working on his Blackberry it appeared.

"Our flight to Heathrow is delayed and all earlier flights are sold out. I've put us on the wait list for an earlier flight but we may not get out of this airport for another three hours," Carlisle was frustrated.

I shrugged my shoulders, _what do you do? _I was so tired and even though I wanted to get to Italy as fast as possible, the thought of a few hours of sleep here in the airport was appealing. I was never successful at sleeping on planes.

I nibbled on my sandwich as we waited in some type of first class lounge. I tried to eat half but after about three bites I gave up. It looked like Carlisle was going to say something to me when I rewrapped the sandwich and disposed of it, but he held his tongue. I curled myself up in the seat and tried to shut my eyes.

It seemed only moments later when I was disturbed from my not-so-restful slumber. "Bella," Esme's sing-song voice woke me, "The flight is back on schedule and we need to board."

I shook my head and took a moment to stretch before standing and following her. We boarded the plane first and I took the window seat with Esme beside me. "You can go back to sleep now darling, it's still a long way to London," she offered.

"I don't really sleep on planes," I admitted. She looked at me curiously, "Some people just can't," I shrugged back and pulled out a book.

Even if I had been capable of sleeping on a plane, I doubt I would have got any rest on that flight from Atlanta to Heathrow. As it turns out there was an excellent reason why the flight was delayed- horrible weather. It was the worst flight I had ever been on; the turbulence was non-stop it seemed. I even managed to get motion sickness (along with at least a dozen other passengers).

I was never so thankful to be on solid ground again when we finally disembarked at Heathrow. Unfortunately with our delayed flight back in Atlanta, we only had about forty-five minutes to make our way to the next gate, not that I would have been able to sleep in the early morning hours anyway; I was beyond frazzled.

Esme sat with me for a few moments at our gate as Carlisle went on an errand of some sort. "You don't look too good sweetheart," she pointed out.

"I've had better days," I admitted.

Around that time Carlisle came back with what looked to be a breakfast sandwich and some orange juice. I smiled at him and the gesture, "That is kind of you but I don't think my stomach has settled enough yet."

"Was a little bit of a rough flight wasn't it?"

"That's an understatement."

"Though I prefer the nutritional value of the orange juice more, I also got you ginger ale that might be easier on your stomach."

I nodded to him and took the soft drink from the tray; it did sound good. I sipped on the soda but only ate a few bites of the breakfast sandwich before we boarded another plane. I took the window seat again and this time Carlisle took the seat beside me. I don't know how I got through take off but I did, barely.

Once we were airborne I looked over to see my white knuckles clutched on Carlisle's arm. He looked at me concerned, "Breathe Bella," he instructed.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes trying to clear my head. That last flight had really shaken me up, along with all the stress and travel, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I don't know how long I stayed like that with my eyes clenched shut and only focusing on my breathing, but when I opened my eyes again there was a bottle of water and two small pills that I didn't recognize on the tray in front of me.

"What's that?" I looked to the little pills.

"Something to help you relax and maybe get some sleep," Carlisle said softly only loud enough for me to hear.

I shook my head at him, I just don't think I trusted him enough for that yet. "What is it Carlisle?" I asked him straight up.

"Diazepam," he explained, "more commonly known as Valium. It possesses anxiolytic, hypnotic, sedative and muscle relaxant properties. Not my first choice, but it was what I was able to find," he shrugged his shoulders.

"Anxiolytic?" Freakin' medical jargon, I guess that's what I asked for.

"Hmm," he seemed to contemplate how to best explain, "Anti-anxiety is over simplifying it, but essentially accurate."

"It will help?" I asked again.

Carlisle met my eyes and I understood the significance of the moment. This was my first trial: would I trust him? Could I trust him? I think he understood the significance even more so than I did. I brought the heels of my hands up to my blood shoot eyes as I threaded my fingers back through my dirty travel matted hair.

In the end I had to walk out on that bridge again, even though I was uncertain whether or not to trust it. I doubted any of them could ever earn my trust again; it was something I had to give first for them to have the chance to make it right.

I took a deep breath followed by the two little pills and the entire bottle of water. I sat back in the seat feeling the effects fairly quickly.

"Thank you Bella," Carlisle reached over and took my hand as he reclined my seat back.

Within fifteen minutes, I had finally found my calm before the real storm.

**Author's Note: Alright, so what do you think will happen when Bella gets to Italy? Will Aro just let Edward go? Will he let all three of them go? Please share your thoughts by reviewing.**

**A BIG thanks to HopingForLove for being the awesome beta that she is.**


	17. The Price of Humanity

The Price of Humanity

We were driving in a heavily tinted car when I finally came back around to reality. "Good morning Bella," Carlisle greeted from the driver's seat.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and found a bottle of OJ in the cup holder beside me I quickly gulped down. "How far are we?" I asked.

"We're here," Esme replied with trepidation.

"How are we going to do this in the sunlight and all?" I noticed the sun shining out over the familiar city.

"Much of Volterra was designed by Aro himself to allow for our kind. We are using a shaded entrance and of course the vast underground network you have seen before. The city is heavily guarded and they will know we are here momentarily." Carlisle explained.

Carlisle pulled the car around the side of an unfamiliar building and parked in a shaded alleyway. We all got out of the car together and Esme and Carlisle flanked me immediately.

"Greetings friend," Carlisle spoke to some unseen person.

"Greetings indeed," A cold male voice responded from a dark corner- I could barely make out his intimidating form now. "State your purpose here."

Carlisle stepped up with authority I had never seen him exhibit as he approached the stranger. Esme shifted her position in front of me. "I seek my sons and daughter."

The vampire in the shadows let out a fierce growl and lunged at Carlisle. It happened all so fast, but in an instant Carlisle had him subdued on the cracked pavement.

"Who do you think you are? You are assaulting a Volturi guard!" the vampire guard hissed.

"A rather inexperienced one at that; I'm sure Aro will want to hear of your impolite greeting to an old friend. The name is Cullen, you will escort us to Aro now." Carlisle demanded.

"Jeffrey," a shrill and unfortunately familiar voice rang from deeper in the alley. "The Cullens and Bella are to be escorted to the main chamber to speak with Aro. Come now." Jane called, turning her back and walking away.

Carlisle released Jeffrey and motioned for him to lead. Carlisle and Esme kept me close to them as we entered though a building at the end of the dark alley. We wove quietly through the halls before entering that familiar main chamber.

We entered the hall and memories of the last time I had been here overwhelmed me. Aro was at the far end of the hall, guarded by Alec and another unfamiliar vampire in a dark grey cloak. Marcus and Caius in their respectful seats as well. "Carlisle, old friend," Aro greeted as he rose from his chair and we approached. "I assume you have come to collect my most prized possessions."

"Alice, Jasper and Edward are hardly possessions to me. They are my family and yes, I am here to make my family whole once again," Carlisle was near to Aro now.

"And dear Bella, still human- 'tis disappointing to see."

"Are any of my children here?" Carlisle cut to the chase.

"Indeed, they returned just this morning. Excellent timing; Though I admit, with dear Alice, excellent timing is the norm. Jane," Aro motioned with his hand. "You shall go fetch the Cullens."

"Yes master," Jane seemed overly annoyed by this task as she floated out of the chamber.

"So Bella, I understand that you carried a vampire child for a time. Tell me, what was it like?"

"Uhh," I stammered over his forwardness, but of course he knew the moment he touched Edward. "It was hard, I was very sick," I said at a loss for what else to say.

"Tragedy that it ended prematurely." Aro almost sounded sympathetic towards me as he nodded towards Marcus who seemed indifferent.

"Though I find it disturbing that one of our kind would lay with the food it was a miracle she was able to conceive at all," Caius replied.

I just nodded in response, not knowing what else to say.

"It was a tragedy that it happened in the first place and that Bella was subjected to such pain; It could easily have been a death sentence," Carlisle affirmed.

"Yes," Aro acknowledged, "Edward seemed to believe the same, though I wonder," he trailed off. The doors at the far end of the hall opened, "Ahh. Here we are, the family reunited once again it seems."

I turned around and saw Jasper enter the hall first, half a step behind was Alice. And there behind her was Edward.

I think my heart stopped as I saw them enter the chamber with their grey cloaks floating around them. Their faces were blank as they walked forward, revealing nothing. I had an eerie feeling something was up as Edward met my eyes for only an instant. The pain and burden he bore was painted quite clearly on his entire being.

"Well, now that we are all present, go ahead and make your request Carlisle," Aro said formally as he took his seat. Edward, Alice and Jasper stood on the steps near the chairs of Marcus and Caius, who remained quiet and observing.

"I would like to take my family home," he said simply.

"Yes, of course; Well, they are certainly not prisoners I assure you, they are simply fulfilling their part of an arrangement you see."

"What are the terms of your arrangement?" Carlisle pushed Aro.

"It was rather intricate as it turns out, but can be summarized in Bella. So long as she remains human, Edward remains in my service. 'Tis a small price to pay for my leniency."

"I am prepared to change," I spoke up, though my voice barely echoed through the hall.

"Indeed, why else would you be here," Aro pointed out and I thought I heard a growl from Edward.

"Bella, you don't have to do this," Edward's voice spoke to me and it was the most wonderful thing I had heard in months.

"Ahh Ahh Ahh," Aro tisked. "Careful Edward, telling Bella what she should and should not do is what landed you in this predicament to start with."

"I am here to take my husband home." I mustered up my certainty and courage.

"Edward is free to leave once your heart has stopped beating, as we agreed," Aro stated. It summed up Edward's agreement with Aro, he had been completely honest with me and that meant something to me. He was willing to give me all the time I wanted, for as long as I wanted to live he would rot away here paying for my freedom.

I didn't agree to become a vampire out of my pity for Edward, though pity I did have for him. I agreed to become a vampire so I could spend eternity with him. Just him. Flawed, imperfect, controlling Edward. Loving, protective, devoted Edward.

"Edward," I called to him and held out my hand. He looked to Aro, almost for permission before walking across the hall towards me. He took me in his arms and I was home.

"I love you forever," Edward whispered into my ear, he seemed so distressed.

"Just go," Alice beckoned from near Aro.

"No," Edward growled out suddenly.

"Ahh, but dear Edward, I must respect Carlisle's request. He wishes to take his whole family home," Aro proclaimed.

"I don't understand," I whispered back to Edward.

"No, Aro," Edward growled again.

"It is not your choice to make Edward. Your service bought Bella whatever time she wanted. Jasper and Alice's service bought her freedom, a year of service for every day that Bella walked free. Though, as always, I am willing to negotiate their early release."

**Author's Note: I apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter out- and that it's a bit of a cliff hanger! A big thanks to HopingForLove, my stinkin' awesome beta! And now discuss! What do you think Aro will demand in exchange for Alice and Jasper's release? Please share by reviewing!**


	18. The Price of Freedom

The Price of Freedom

"It is not your choice to make Edward. Your service bought Bella whatever time she wanted. Jasper and Alice's service bought her freedom, a year of service for every day that Bella walked free. Though, as always, I am willing to negotiate their early release."

"Negotiate?" I asked meekly. It was clear Aro was addressing me directly.

"Yes, dear Bella, negotiate," he belittled.

Edward lost it.

He launched himself across the hall towards Aro, Caius and Marcus only to fall writhing in pain at the feet of their chairs. I screamed at the all too familiar sight of Jane's power at work.

Aro raised his hand signaling Jane to stop and Edward pulled himself to his feet with the help of Alice and Jasper who were nearby. He looked back at my tear stained face with an anguished expression, "No, no, you can't," he pleaded with Aro.

"Relax dear boy, I will give her options," Aro reassured but Edward did not seem placated.

There was a disturbing silence in the hall as Aro seemed to gather his thoughts. "Well, I think I will just come out with the option that seems to have Edward all worked up over first," There was another pause. "I want you to try again."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I looked to Edward and he fell to his knees just chanting, "no, no, no…"

"Try again?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Yes. You see this is a very rare opportunity. Never have I known any of our kind to care so deeply for a human and I think that is essential for this to be possible. We already know conception can happen; I would like to see the end result. I would like for you to try again."

I was speechless and not for the first time in that chamber.

It was Carlisle who spoke up, "Aro, you would condemn Bella and Edward to death- for surely you understand he will follow her. She _cannot_ carry the child to term; you would only be putting her through the same ordeal again."

"It is a bit risky isn't it, but I have some ideas of my own and you could have access to any supplies you think you might need. I realize it may not be successful, but I'd like to see her try; Nothing ventured, nothing gained- right? If Bella fails or succeeds then you are all free to go, with your child. This is what Bella wanted after all."

"What is my other option?" I surprised myself that I was coherent enough to even ask. I don't think I was even considering option one.

"Ahh, well not nearly as entertaining, but I will settle for a trade. You and Edward are welcome to take Jasper and Alice's places."

"Bella just go," Alice met my eyes sincerely. "Two hundred years for our kind is only a short time, we will be reunited. Just go with Edward and be happy."

If I ever had any doubt of Alice's love for me it was gone in that moment. I had once felt betrayed by her but here she had paid a very high price for my freedom. What was worse was when I thought of Jasper. I loved Jasper like a brother and though I trusted him and he had come a long way from his past, he would not come out of the Volturi guard unscathed. It would be too easy for him to go back to their ways here. The man that Alice loved could change. She could lose him and she knew it.

Then again if I was a newborn serving in the Volturi, I might end up in the same place. I didn't want to be like them; I wanted to be with my family.

"I need time," I whispered out loud.

"The status quo remains for now then; you, Carlisle and Esme are welcome to stay as my guests for as long as you please. I will even grant you the service of Edward, Alice and Jasper for the next twenty-four hours so you may decide together. I am not cruel, but I am fair. You have one day." Aro advised us.

"You are letting them take Alice, Jasper and Edward," Caius sneered. "They will run, they are a threat!"

"Though the Cullen coven is very talented, they are not a threat, nor would they be able to hide from us," Marcus spoke hauntingly.

"Gianna will make quarters available for you, request anything you need from her," Aro directed.

We left the hall as a family, but for how long? Edward walked by my side with an arm around my waist but it did little to comfort my overwhelmed mind.

We settled into a Victorian style suite with three bedrooms. Carlisle was aware enough to order food and drink for me, though hunger was the last thought on my mind.

We all took seats quietly around a round table in the dining room area. Many important decisions had been made around a similar table back in Forks. The difference was this time I felt like I was the one with the most power in this decision.

Looking back it was a little ironic. I had grown to hate Edward on several levels for taking my choices away and now here I was wishing I didn't have to decide- not knowing what to decide. Thankfully it was Carlisle who spoke up first. "I'm at a loss," he began. _Well that's helpful._

"We'll stay," Alice began.

"No, that's not fair," I objected. "You can't stay. If I hadn't taken so long, if I had never left." Guilt overwhelmed me.

The guilt quickly dissipated, "We knew the cost and went into this with our eyes open," Jasper spoke.

"You can't stay here Jasper," Esme spoke my concern. Jasper looked a little defeated but understood what was meant.

"Bella can't be a newborn here either," Jasper argued. "She would end in the same place I will, like them."

"What about the first option then," I suggested as Edward growled.

"Alright," I looked right at him, "Would you stop doing that?" he was a little thrown off by my forwardness but I really had enough of his passive aggressive growls. "Hear me out," I addressed all of them. "We know more now; we know what to expect. I was close before, and if things go bad you change me and we all walk away in a few months. Aro said he understood it may not work."

"Bella it killed me to watch you go through all of that. I won't put your life in danger again," Edward spoke his opinion which I suppose he was entitled to.

"I could die, you're right Edward, but if we let Jasper and Alice stay, we will lose them for all intents and purposes. And if we stay, I am lost anyways and something tells me you'll follow right along with me. Carlisle, knowing what you know now, do you think I would have a better chance - and don't you dare growl at your father," I pointed my finger at Edward.

"A better chance? Yes," he answered. "Any certainty that it will end well? No. Bella I truly appreciate your willingness to put yourself in danger for our family, but I could never ask this of you. Maybe I can offer my service in your stead," Carlisle offered.

Edward shook his head, "Being around Aro for the past several months has given me insight to how his mind works. He will graciously decline your offer. Bella has peaked his interest, he wants to know if it is possible, he wants to see the new species. He has even fantasized about human/ vampire hybrids and the advantages they would have in mingling with human kind. If he can't get that he will settle for Alice or Bella. He adores Alice and her unique ability of course, but he is certain Bella will be equally powerful when she is turned."

"Maybe we should think outside of the box," Jasper suggested, "What if we_ all _volunteer to serve, maybe we could negotiate a shorter term?"

The strategist in Jasper never ceased to amaze me, but Alice shook her head, "He'll take it, but he'll still insist on at least a hundred years- it's too long."

"Alice dear," Esme asked, "Can you see anything that could help us?"

"I think you all already understand what happens when either Jasper and I or Edward and Bella stay here. I think Bella has already decided though. Strangely enough and not at all like last time, I can still see her. I can't see the child or if it will make it, but I see Bella- changed of course, but she is there very clearly."

"Alice how can you see her now when you couldn't see before when she was pregnant?" Carlisle enquired.

"He was gifted," I answered in a quiet voice, "I mean she,"

"It was her, she was something special, something that blocked you but spoke to me," my heart was throbbing in my chest as I spoke. "Think about it Edward, a child between you and me is guaranteed to have some abilities: with your mind reading and my thick skull. It makes perfect sense now; I am the one person you cannot read and she was the one person only I _could_ read." This was it, if Alice could see me then they couldn't argue this time. Yet I wasn't certain I would survive this again, would being pregnant again destroy my very soul? What if I lost the child yet again? Was I strong enough to try again, as Aro had asked?

The next day I stood in front of the Volturi Council, surrounded by my family. Emmett and Rosalie had arrived earlier that morning to make us whole once again. It was a very different feeling standing in the hall today versus yesterday. Yesterday I was timid and afraid- intimidated. Today I was completely surrounded by ones whom I loved, and they loved me in return. As long as this family stayed intact, I doubted that there was anything capable of taking us down- or apart for that matter. We had been through too much together, we were fused to one another and it made us strong.

"We will try again." I spoke my eyes meeting Aro's own for once rather than the floor.

"Excellent news indeed!" He practically cheered.

**Author's Note: Interesting twist? You're probably a little worried about the continuity of the story, why would this pregnancy be any different than the last, right? Well if you've read my previous works you know often little things hold big meanings towards the end. Me and my puzzles- I love fitting all the pieces together, and hope you like watching the picture form! Please share your thoughts and a big thanks to HopingForLove, my talented beta. Enjoy Eclipse, I'll be in line for a midnight show in 24 hours, where will you be?**


	19. Natural

Natural

I used to think the Cullens had connections. They could acquire just about anything they wanted it seemed from passports to medical equipment. But the Volturi put the Cullens to absolute shame. Only one day after agreeing to "try again," Carlisle had everything he could want as did the whole family. They even catered to the Cullen's eating habits by bringing in game for them.

Carlisle immediately put me on fertility drugs hoping it would help my chances and expedite our time here. I didn't argue.

Getting the equipment, drugs and everything else was the easy part. The hard part was a couple nights that followed. I walked into our suite: mine and Edward's. The bed was made with a beautiful comforter and fluffy pillows. The room was welcoming enough but it felt awkward.

I was certain I loved Edward, I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I was still mad at him and hadn't forgiven him; I had only decided I loved him. So I loved him, but would I be able to _make love_ to him?

Edward stood by the bed and looked just as uncomfortable, maybe even more so. I walked over to the bed and sat down beside him and tilted my head up to meet his golden eyes.

He was speechless and stone still.

"I know this is hard for you," I started, "And I'm very appreciative that you have been respectful of my choice." He still didn't make any move, "Edward will you sit here with me?"

He collapsed onto the bed and hit it with a thump that made me bounce a little and I grinned at the rush. "Bella," he sounded like he was on the verge of breaking down, "I just don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm capable of hurting you like that again."

"Edward look at me," his eyes drifted back down to mine, "You didn't hurt me before. What hurt me was when you took her away. And I get it- I get why. I disagreed with your decision, but I do understand why you did it."

"I don't know what I'll ever be able to do to earn your forgiveness, I am willing to spend an eternity trying, but I'm certain doing this to you again is not the way."

He was right.

There was nothing Edward could ever do to _earn_ my forgiveness. I didn't know how he would ever manage it, even given an eternity.

"Forgiveness is not something that can be earned; you would waste an eternity trying. Forgiveness is a gift- one that I think one day I'll be able to give to you. I'm not there yet, but I hope I will be one day because I want to be free of the past as much as you do."

"I want to make it all better," he continued on, "I want to take you and my family home like none of it ever happened. That's all I've wanted since we left the island so many months ago. And if I can't have that I just want you to be happy Bella, that's why I came here, you deserve to be happy."

"Silly Edward," I reached up and ran my fingers through his tousled hair, "Haven't you figured out yet that you're the only one who makes me happy?"

"I'm so sorry Bella; Sorry for it all," he pleaded.

"I know Edward; I know." Was all I could say. I tilted my head forward until it was flush with his cold one. "This isn't just about Aro's demands Edward- this is about you and me. I need you; I've missed you."

"I really don't think I can do this Bella," he admitted again.

I pulled back a little so I could meet his eyes again. "Edward do you think it is possible that I could create a monster?"

"No!"

"I am equally convinced that you could not create a monster. The love we share Edward, it's a rare thing- it would have to be to survive what we have been through. And survive it has, at least it has for me, I still love you," I professed.

"I will always love you," Edward said with all the honesty in the world.

I leaned in and met his lips for the first time in a long time. Too long. It was so familiar and yet so new. Edward had changed as had I- we had both grown, been through tragedy and loss.

I think it made it better than before. It gave me the contrast I didn't know. I now knew pain, loss, grief, anger and it made me more appreciative of the good, happiness and the love I never fully grasped. I cherished the sun with all my heart having wallowed in the darkest of starless nights. Edward was my sun, though in a sense he had burned me once, he was still the light of my world.

That night we simply held each other as our souls got reacquainted.

I felt a little guilty that it took Edward and me almost a week to get back to where we could really love each other again. The others didn't rush us; they must have realized we needed to heal to make it through what was ahead of us.

The good news was there was some hope, there was some certainty it seemed. Alice could still see both Edward and I- the whole family for that matter making it through this. I think that had a big affect on our hope this time. Something was going to be different, though I didn't know what or why.

Edward had arranged a private dinner for me that evening out in the city. The stars shone and twinkled in the night sky. We walked the streets of Volterra until Edward lead me to an abandoned building. He escorted me up the steps until we reached the roof. There were two fluffy reclining type chairs set near the edge that I noticed as Edward walked me over to them.

"A little close to the edge, don't you think?" I hesitated as we got close, knowing my clumsiness at this height would be deadly.

"I won't let you fall love," Edward assured.

"It's beautiful," I commented as I took a seat.

"Yes it is." Edward's gaze didn't leave my face.

"That way is west," Edward looked out in the direction I was looking from my seat as he sat beside me. "I used to come out here and gaze west, knowing you were out there somewhere. It gave me some peace to think that so long as you walked in this world somewhere, there was meaning to it all."

"I didn't have any point of reference; I didn't know where you had gone, but I felt lost anyways. I know circumstances are not ideal, but I'm glad we have this opportunity."

"The circumstances in our lives have rarely been ideal, but no matter what Bella, I will stand by you and support you whatever you choose," Edward said.

The man I had married and the man who stood before me were two different people. Edward had changed. I had done a lot of changing since I first met Edward. I had married young, taken risks; I had planned to make the ultimate _change_ for him and now he was changing too.

I stood up from my seat and sat down in his lap as I reached my hand up to that tousled copper hair. I strongly pulled his head down to where I could meet his lips again. Edward's cold hands wove around my back and pulled me closer to him then he ran his finger tips softly up and down my spine causing me to push my body even closer into his.

Just as I was getting lightheaded Edward moved his lips down to my jawbone as I gasped for air. He inhaled deeply as he kissed my neck over my pulse point, _enjoying the bouquet_.In an instant he flipped me underneath him and tilted back the chair flat so I was lying down.

My hands went to the buttons on his shirt as I managed to free only three before he pinned my hands above my head with one of his. He moved his lips back to mine as he straddled me from above making a deep sound in his chest that made my heart flutter. His free hand ghosted across my stomach settled on my hip as his thumb rubbed circles on my hip bone.

Edward and I making love was the most natural thing in all the world. It wasn't simple; It was complicated but what part of nature was simple? It was perfectly natural for a caterpillar to morph into a butterfly, but it wasn't simple for the caterpillar. Perhaps the best things in life aren't the simple things after all, maybe they were the things that you had to work at, things that were complicated.

**Author's note: Sorry for the delay on this one, hope those of you in the states enjoyed seeing Eclipse! Big thanks to my beta HopingForLove! Thanks for the reviews!**


	20. Afraid

Afraid

"Can't I just pee on a stick or something?" I asked with a cringe on my face as I eyed the needle.

"We would have to wait several more days for the hormones to show up in your urine. Just take a seat; I promise to be quick." Carlisle motioned towards a chair in the living room.

I took the seat and held out my arm for him. Edward came over to my other side and took my free hand kissing it gently as I felt the prick.

"I'll be back in a few minutes with the results," Carlisle hurried out of the living room towards his lab.

"I think I already know," Edward looked at me intently.

"How would you know- I don't even know," I commented.

"You smell different to me. I already asked Carlisle if he could smell the difference, he said no, but then again I am more attuned to your scent and you smell different to me."

"Did I smell different before?" I asked.

Edward seemed distressed, as he always did, when I brought up my previous pregnancy, "Yes, but it's not the same. You smelled more of me before, now you smell more like yourself with just a hint of me instead."

"Alice has told us several times this will be different, though I wish she could give us more insight," I mused.

"It doesn't work like that. If the child is half vampire and half human she may always have a hard time seeing it because she's never been that. She has given us the most important piece of all of this and that is that you'll be fine- well you'll be changed but that we already knew. "

Carlisle came back in the room at that moment, "Congratulations," he began.

Things progressed fairly naturally. It wasn't a human pregnancy by any means, but it was nothing like before. It wasn't until I hit the two week mark that the problems I had encountered before resurfaced. I was tired achy, which was normal enough I suppose.

This pregnancy was advancing quickly but not as fast as before.

"You're anemic," Carlisle's troubled voice spoke.

I bit my lower lip in anxiety, both he and Edward had been nothing but supportive so far. We were due to give an update to Aro in only an hour. For the most part we gave him only the bare minimal information, but somehow I suspected he would know if I was anemic.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"Well I'll put you on iron supplements," Carlisle replied simply, "The real dilemma here is that Aro will know and he'll want to become more involved. Granted you being healthy is reward enough but it also keeps Aro placated."

"Is there a way to hide my scent?" I asked though I had a feeling I already knew the answer.

"No," Edward answered, "I should have spoken up yesterday when I suspected, but it didn't become obvious until this morning. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, it happens," I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm going to put together my work and meet you in the main hall to see Aro in an hour. Edward," Carlisle focused on him, "Let me do the talking. I have the relationship and respect here. Keep your temper under control."

I hoped Edward would follow Carlisle's direction. When we had gone to report the first time that I was in fact pregnant thing got a little- well, intense.

Edward looked back to Carlisle and seemed mildly agitated but didn't comment back.

"Come on," I reached over and grabbed his hand and pulled Edward towards me. "I'm hungry again. We have time to eat."

Edward looked at me shocked, "You just ate an hour ago- allot."

"What, are you saying I'm fat? I'm pregnant Edward, if I want to eat feed me for heaven's sake!" I was actually angry with him making me feel awkward for being hungry.

"Shh, shh," he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my tummy, "You are not fat, you are gorgeous, beautiful, glowing. If you want to eat, then let me make you something."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in Edward's arms. This is what it is supposed to be like, a supportive, loving husband helping his beloved wife through the pregnancy. This is exactly what being pregnant was supposed to be like, well except for the whole being held captive by vampire royalty.

"I think that was one of the things that hurt me the most," I spoke my thoughts out loud. Edward was just quiet for a moment and seemed to tense his hold on me bracing himself for what I was about to say. "You still touched me, but you wouldn't touch my bump- my tummy. It made me feel unattractive to you, as if I didn't already pale in comparison to you; It made me feel even more inadequate."

Edward seemed to ponder my revelation before speaking, "Bella, you were never unattractive to me, not even close. I believed that I had hurt you and made you sick, the bump was simply the undeniable evidence of my crime against you. I had a hard time accepting that I had hurt you so much. I understand now that I was wrong," Edward paused, "But you were wrong too- to ever think that I somehow loved you any less. I'm glad we got this do-over of sorts, granted the situation is far from ideal. This is more like how it should have been."

"If things had turned out differently, I think we still would have worked it out eventually. Fate has given us a blessing I believe- a second chance. Now," I grinned turning my head back to him, "How quick can you scramble some eggs for me?"

"Dear Bella, you are positively glowing!" Aro greeted.

Edward smirked beside me and I looked at him curiously. "He's been studying human pregnancy and came across the word, 'glowing'."

"What is that?" Aro approached the three of us, "Her scent has changed."

"Bella is anemic," Carlisle explained, "I am treating it and am hopeful to have it resolved soon."

"Anemic- her blood count is low?" Aro confirmed.

"That is true in a sense. I will be supplementing her diet to compensate," Carlisle assured.

I could feel Edward tense beside me as Aro spoke again, "Perhaps her diet is the problem. The little vampire has to eat after all, it can't live off the human food she does; Maybe it's hungry?"

The room was quite and I could tell Edward struggled not to speak out, but he stuck with Carlisle's recommendation.

"Humans cannot ingest blood like we can of course, but perhaps Bella's biology is changing to accommodate the child?" Aro further suggested.

"I will keep the option in mind, for now allow me try more traditional and appealing methods," Carlisle insisted.

Aro just waved his hand in acknowledgement, "Keep me updated. I look forward to our next meeting."

My mind was swarming as we walked out of the hall, was Aro actually suggesting I drink blood? I can't even stand the sight or smell of blood, there was no way I would be able to drink it!

"Was he just suggesting what I think he was suggesting?" I asked as we entered our quarters where the rest of the Cullens were awaiting our return.

"Don't worry love, you won't be sharing in my diet until your skin is as hard as mine," Edward assured.

"He might be onto something though," Carlisle mused.

"What are you talking about?" Rosalie demanded.

"Bella is anemic," Edward answered, "Aro suggested that maybe we should be trying to feed the baby what it wants- blood."

Emmett laughed, "Like our delicate Bella would be able to down blood, she swoons at the sight of it. No offence Sis," he winked at me.

"None taken," I assured.

"It may come to that though," Alice spoke solemnly. "I don't see the treatment that Carlisle has chosen working for long."

Edward tensed, "It won't come to that."

"Edward we have to be willing to consider it if it might help the baby; I can't go through losing- not again," I looked down at my feet and tried to blink back tears.

I could tell only moments later that Jasper was helping me; I looked up to meet his sympathetic eyes.

"Bella," Carlisle addressed me, "I need you to be completely honest with me dear, we are at the point of where things started to go south last time. We are all on the same page now and things are different. I need to know, are you hearing voices again- is the child trying to communicate with you?"

I was quiet for a moment as I gathered my thoughts, "No," I meet his eyes directly, "And it worries me a little. I don't have any strange emotions or even suspicions about what gender it could be. I feel detached and it makes me very sad."

It was Jasper that spoke back to me, "You're afraid of getting attached because you might lose it or have it taken away again. Allow me to share my insight with you darlin' you felt an immense amount of pain and sorrow when we had to abort your baby girl. It was a sharp and intense sorrow that lasted for days. Yet I also feel the pain of the ladies of this family, though not as sharp- it still throbs for all their existence, the sadness of knowing they will never be able to bear a child. I can tell you with certainty that even if you did lose this child as well, you would regret not loving it, even before it was born, for all eternity. Take the chance and don't be afraid to love."

His words resounded in me. He was right; I was afraid.

**Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews, I read them all and try to reply to many. HopingForLove is my awesome beta who keeps my work in check! Leave me some love!**


	21. Browns and Greens

Browns and Greens

My belly grew as did my joy. Sure, I was tired and had morning sickness again, but I had Edward this time and that seemed to make all the difference in the world. He took care of me day and night, dedicated to making me comfortable, healthy and happy.

I was sitting in our room reading a book when he came up behind me and started rubbing my shoulders, "Mmmmm, that feels good," I encouraged as he massaged down my back.

"How are you feeling, any better?" He asked me quietly.

"Just really tired," I admitted.

"The anemia is getting worse," Edward spoke sadly.

"I'll be okay," I encouraged, "Carlisle changed my meds today."

"I know," he replied.

He was quiet for a few moments as I continued to read. He situated himself behind me and I leaned up against him as he wrapped his arms around me.

"What in the…" Edward blurted out after about fifteen minutes of silence.

"What is it?" I closed my book and whipped my head around to him.

"Shhhh," he hushed me, "Quiet Bella."

I was quiet as he requested, the only sound my quickened breath and anxious heart as I wondered what was going on.

"You're making too much noise; I need to listen," Edward spoke into my ear as he kissed me on the cheek. His hand gently pressed against my mouth sealing it shut as his finger and thumb pinched my nose closed as well. I didn't struggle against him, though my body wanted to. Edward wouldn't hurt me.

He let me go only seconds later as he called out, "Carlisle!"

Carlisle appeared in the door way instantly, "What is it Edward?"

"Do you hear that?" he asked the doctor.

"Hear what?" Carlisle raised an eyebrow to Edward.

Edward mumbled off something too fast for me to hear. Carlisle furrowed his brows in response and seemed to listen closer. I grimaced at Edward and crossed my arms across my chest; I hated it when he left me out of conversations and he knew it.

Carlisle walked over closer to me and rested a hand on my abdomen with a slight smile and a hint of concern on his face. He met Edward's eyes and nodded.

"What?" I insisted they tell me.

"Heartbeats," Edward answered.

"You can hear its heart beating finally?" I asked enthusiastically; the vampires should have been able to hear a heart beat weeks ago, but my body had made another protective barrier much like last time that blocked not only the vampire's sensitive hearing but all the machines as well.

"Bella there are two heartbeats- it's twins."

"Twins?" I asked shocked.

"Twins," Carlisle confirmed. "It's not surprising considering the fertility drugs I had you on."

I was thrilled and scared all at the same time and something told me that's exactly how my husband and father-in-law felt as well.

"Can I do twins?" I asked afraid of what they might tell me I should do.

"You can do twins, we'll figure it out. I'd like to try an ultrasound in the morning. I'm hopeful we might be able to see something now if we can hear something," Carlisle theorized. Carlisle gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead before he stood up. "You'll be alright, just rest," he assured me. I'd known him for too long though; I could see the worry he was trying to hide.

Once my father-in-law stepped out I turned to Edward to find a similar worried look. "Edward, this could be bad couldn't it?"

"Twins are always harder to carry, more risk. But Carlisle is right, you'll be fine. This pregnancy is progressing much slower than the last and you've been overall healthier and no voices. Don't worry yourself; be happy- we're having twins Bella."

"We're having twins." I confirmed.

The ultrasound finally confirmed two beating hearts, but not a whole lot else. It was still too fuzzy to see gender and Carlisle complained he couldn't get a good image. Yet he seemed relieved to be able to see something this time.

Edward, Alice and I gathered back in the dimly lit living area afterwards to talk.

"I'm jealous Carlisle can see them, but I can't," Alice complained.

"Has anything in your vision changed?" I asked my sister while Edward gave her a little scowl.

"Edward, she ought to know how this is going to play out."

"I agree," Edward replied, "But things are uncertain and cloudy in your visions, I don't like making decisions based upon incomplete information."

"Until you make a decision, my visions remain incomplete," Alice countered.

Edward seemed to concede and Alice spoke on, "I can vaguely see Bella getting very sick; Aro will push his suggestion and things getter better."

I processed that for a moment. "Are you saying I'm going to have to drink blood to get better?"

"No," Edward seemed disgusted, "We don't know if that is what fixes it or not, there could be something else."

"I'm not seeing anything else," Alice commented.

"No offence Alice but you're not seeing lots of things. You still can't see the babies."

"Well the fact that you are going to choose browns and greens is not at all helpful Bella! No, I can't see the babies, and it blurs Bella some because of them. I'm just telling you what I see; Bella gets sick- soon, Aro forces the blood and she gets better. Aro has already decided it will happen and so it shall."

Browns and greens? Well that sounds like me, I wasn't one for the tradition baby pinks and blues, but I wish that I was because then maybe Alice could tell me what gender they are.

"I think a lot hinges on what you do over the next week. We're almost halfway there, and still furthest I can see in the future is Bella as a vampire, back home with brown and green baby stuff."

"Well that's good news," I pointed out. "I had been worrying lately that somehow Aro was going to force us to stay even after I give birth. If these children are of such interest to him why do you think he would be willing to just let us go? It's nice to know that he sticks to his word."

Edward seemed to contemplate, "I hadn't thought of it like that. Knowing his mind it's not like him at all. Yet, I can see it just as clearly as Alice, I wonder how we manage that?"

"For now just be happy that we do," Alice suggested.

I nodded with relief; it was nice to know we were going to get a happy ending though the circumstances that would lead us there were uncertain.

"Maybe Alice was wrong," I tried to pacify Edward who had grown increasingly worrisome as the week grew old.

"What if she's not- I hate to admit it but she's not wrong as much as I have lead you to believe. Are you sure you feel okay? Maybe we should have Carlisle check again just to be safe."

"Edward let the man rest with his wife, he checked me five hours ago. I'm fine." I was just about ready for bed myself as I made my way into the bathroom. I changed into my pajamas, brushed my teeth and suddenly had cramps. I hadn't had cramps like this since my last cycle. I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth trying to relax them away as I leaned up against the sink.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked from the other side of the door.

"I'm fine, just give me a moment," I replied, it was just a little pain, I knew it happened sometimes. Maybe they were just moving or something?

"You're heart is racing; Bella open this door before I break it and we have to have Felix come in and replace it."

I opened the door, but didn't move from my slightly hunched position. My hand rubbed over my stomach as I continued to take slow breaths.

"You're bleeding," Edward glanced to the source of the blood that I suddenly felt between my legs.

I let out a sob as I realized I was miscarrying, "Edward?"

"Hold on love," he picked me up quickly and ran me out of our suite and into the lab Carlisle had been using in seconds. Edward laid me down on the bed and left for an instant before he reappeared with his father.

The tears were flowing down my face and I couldn't help the gasps and sobs. The pain hadn't receded either and the bleeding continued as well. I was getting light headed as my heart continued to pound. I could feel them touching me, moving me and hear them speaking, but it all seemed so distant.

My heart was breaking; I couldn't lose them now, not after all this.

"Bella, you're not miscarrying," Carlisle's voice spoke to me softly as I tried to focus on him through my blurry eyes. "Their hearts are still beating strong," he assured.

"Are you sure? Why am I bleeding?" I asked.

"It happens sometimes, doesn't always mean miscarriage. We'll give it a few moments and it should stop on its own. I'm going to start you on some fluids though; I don't like you loosing blood while you're already anemic."

Edward leaned over me and met my lips with a passionate kiss that I returned with what little energy I had.

"I'm so sorry," I apologized weakly.

"Whatever for? This isn't your fault. Just rest Bella, the bleeding is slowing now."

I was exhausted, so I closed my eyes and drifted off.

**Author's Note: Awwwe, twins! Yes I planned that all along, and I only had one person suspect so I hope you're pleasantly surprised. I like where this story has gone even though it's not what I had originally planned. What do you think? A big THANK YOU to my beta: HopingForLove. Thanks for all your reviews, I didn't get to respond to any this week because (drum roll please) I have been finishing up a one shot and it's now ready to post! Now before you hop over and read it, I am going to warn you it's what I would call a "lime." It's rated "M" because things get a little steamy, it's not NC-17 or anything but I would say NC-16 maybe? So if you're a tween you're too young for it. I hope you enjoy "Accidently." Before you go, leave me a review!**


	22. Options

Options

"Your methods are insufficient, dear friend. I'm afraid I must insist you at least try my suggestion." A distant but familiar voice echoed in my head.

"It could very well do more harm than good Aro; I'm having difficultly as it is keeping her weight up. Making her sick to her stomach would be detrimental," I heard another voice respond as reality became closer.

"She's waking up," I knew that voice anywhere.

"Edward?" My eyes fluttered open.

"I'm right here love," I saw Edward leaning over me as he gently touched his lips to my forehead. I felt exhausted and light headed.

I managed to move my hands to my belly, "Are they okay?"

Carlisle stepped into my line of vision, "For now, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I replied, " just exhausted is all."

"Bella, we need to talk," Edward began. "Aro thinks a change in your diet might really help the babies. Carlisle and I can't give you any guarantee it would help, but at this point it might be worth the try. Alice seems to think we should try too, but the choice is yours."

I thought about it hard and realistically couldn't see myself drinking blood- I couldn't even see myself getting anywhere close to blood.

"I'll try it," I agreed shakily.

"Excellent! Do you have any preference in type?" Aro asked.

"Uhhh," I squinted my eyes, feeling dizzy at the thought.

"O negative," Carlisle answered for me.

Aro walked out of the room as I saw Alice come in. "Bella, I wanted to bring in Jasper to help, but with blood on the way I just can't risk it. You made the right choice though, stick with it- alright?" She fluttered over beside my bed and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Aro returned with an ominous coffee mug that wasn't filled with caffeine. Edward reached out to take the mug from him and handed it to me as he helped me sit up further and propped more pillows behind me.

I wrapped my fingers around the mug and was surprised to feel it was warm- I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. "Why not animal blood?" I asked, my eyes still not looking in the mug.

"It would be best not to cut any corners at this point Bella; it's donated, I assure you," Carlisle met Aro's eyes seriously as if he was confirming this.

"Yes, of course, donated," Aro had a sly smile.

I looked over to Edward, not quite believing Aro. Edward nodded to me, "No one died for it, though I'd hardly consider blackmailing a form of donation. It's okay love."

I slowly let my eyes wander down to the mug in my hand and the thick red liquid undulating slightly in response to my quivering hand holding it. My stomach did a little growl, which surprised me because I wanted to gag. But I wanted to try; this was supposed to work. So I slowly brought the mug up to my lips and opened my mouth to take a sip. I inhaled the scent and lost it before it ever reached my lips.

Edward quickly grabbed the mug before a drop was spilled as I began to dry heave and gag in revulsion. It was awful- the salty, rusty smell I knew my body wanted but my instincts and mind rejected on every level. After setting the mug on the table by my bed, Edward sat down on the bed beside me and tried to soothe me and my heaving body.

It took me a few minutes to calm back down and when I did I realized I felt even weaker and more tired as the tears streamed down my face. Carlisle reached down and took my free hand in both of his gently, "That is what I was afraid of."

"I'll try again," I was now more than ever convinced this was the answer I just had to overcome my aversion to it.

"Bella dear, there are other ways," Carlisle met my eyes.

I paused in my motion to pick up the mug, "What do you mean?"

"I can set up a NG tube. You wouldn't have to see, smell or taste the blood," Carlisle offered.

"A feeding tube? That doesn't sound pleasant either," I admitted as I looked over to Edward to get his thoughts.

"It's a little uncomfortable going down," Edward explained, "But it shouldn't bother you too much once it's in place." He seemed to think it was a good option.

"Okay," I agreed.

Carlisle gave my hand a squeeze before letting go and walking over to the corner of the room to gather supplies. Edward was still sitting beside me weaving his fingers in my hair. I think he could tell I was upset by all of this so he spoke to me quietly, "It will be alright love. I'll stay right here and if you get scared Carlisle will stop."

"He won't need to," Alice came up to my other side, "Bella will be fine."

Just a few moments later Carlisle wheeled over a tray that had a long thin tube, a glass of water with a straw and an awkward shaped little plastic bowl. He handed me the glass of water and the bowl and helped Edward situate me to where I was sitting up a little further.

Aro came over beside the bed and seemed to be fascinated which only served to very obviously irritate Edward. Carlisle held the tube up to my nose and seemed to be measuring as he looped it behind my ear then pulled it down over my chest as his thumb pressed the tube to the lowest point of my sternum. Once he marked the length on it he spoke to me, "Alright Bella, just try to relax. Slow deep breaths."

I closed my eyes for good measure in addition to his instructions. There was a tickle in my nose and I felt a hand push my head down as my chin rested on my chest. It hurt and I couldn't stop the tears that trickled from my eyes.

"Take a few sips of water for me," Carlisle instructed. I managed to get the straw in my mouth while still keeping my eyes closed and gulped down the water and tube. I somehow managed not to gag as I felt the tube go down quickly. It was taped into place and I felt a stethoscope on my stomach as my tummy made a gurgling sound.

"All set," Carlisle confirmed. "I'm going to start with a small amount and see how your stomach reacts, let me know if you feel ill."

I decided at this point keeping my eyes shut was a good choice- I didn't want to see any of this. I tried to relax as I felt Edward take my hand.

I felt better almost instantly. My stomach didn't feel weak or volatile at all so I risked opening my eyes. Edward, Carlisle, Alice and Aro where all there waiting eagerly for me to say something.

"I feel good," I admitted.

They all seemed relieved except for Aro who I don't think was ever really concerned. "Yes," Aro said, "Well, Carlisle can you give me a more exact birth date assuming this method continues to work?"

"I need to discuss the options with Bella first, but I would say two weeks at most."

"Options?" Aro enquired.

"Yes, there are several ways we can plan to deliver and some very important choices for Bella to make."

"Just details Aro," Edward clarified.

"Yes, of course, I leave you to the details."

Aro left us in peace. I just relaxed for several hours as Carlisle kept- _uhh feeding me_. I hadn't felt this good in weeks. I felt more like my normal self, only fifteen pounds heavier in my tummy. Carlisle examined me twice and seemed pleased with the improvements. Alice told me several times how much better I looked.

"How often do you think you'll have to feed me like this?" I asked Carlisle.

"We'll see how you do, but I would estimate once every couple days should be enough," The doctor answered.

"Does the tube have to stay in?" I asked. Though it was better than having to smell or taste the blood, it definitely wasn't the most pleasant thing.

"No, I can take it out." Carlisle flushed the tube with water to assure I wouldn't get any after taste when he removed the tube. I coughed and gagged a little as the tube was pulled back out.

Once I had composed myself, I started asking more question about the days to come. "So what are the choices I need to be making you were talking about before?"

It was Edward who answered me, "The babies should be almost term in seven days, so we can induce labor or just perform a C-section. The C-section would be very quick and easy, and the scaring would be minimal in the long run."

It was quite apparent what Edward was recommending and Carlisle jumped on that ship too, "Due to the special nature of the pregnancy and the past abortion I expect there to be complications. A C-section would be preemptive and give me more control over the situation."

So the control freak thing was genetic- something Carlisle must have passed down to Edward to some degree when he was changed. But I always knew life was full of the unexpected and things that we don't control don't always turn out badly.

I could tell Alice was aware of my choice and she just gave me a confident smile. "Speak your mind Bella," she encouraged.

"I would like to have a natural child birth if at all possible," I shared my desire with them.

"Why?" Edward seemed thrown off by this.

"Because, it's the way it's supposed to be. I don't want to be cut open and have them torn from me." Memories of what had happened before were just too overwhelming. I don't think I could knowingly lay down and let them cut me open to remove the babies without losing my sanity and digressing back to a dark place I didn't want to ever be again.

The look on Carlisle's face was hurt as he spoke back to me, "Bella, I wouldn't, I-" He trailed off at a loss for words.

"I know," I tried to assure him. "I just can't go back there. Do you understand?"

"Bella, I know I don't deserve your trust, but I really think this is the better way," Edward pleaded. "You can be awake during it all, I'll be there and Alice can be there too. Please let us do this."

"No," I stood my ground. "I want to try it naturally, if things go bad, you can do whatever you need to do to make sure they are safe. Give me a chance; I can do this."

"Will you at least allow me to induce labor? I really don't want you carrying any longer than necessary," Carlisle requested.

I wanted to ask him if it would be safe, but I caught myself and decided to spare him from further accusation. "Whenever you think they're ready, I am."

**Author's Note: So when I first read Breaking Dawn I was really thrown off by Bella easily drinking the blood when she was pregnant. I don't know, but it just didn't add up to me. Even if her body did crave it I doubted her mind would ever let her. So I changed that here- what do you think? And a better question- Are you ready for the twins? What are your name ideas? Sorry this update took a while; only a few more chapters to go….**


	23. Close To My Heart

Close to my Heart

I had gained five pounds in six days. To put it mildly the Cullens were thrilled- I think even Aro seemed a little pleased, though his counterparts still showed no emotion at all. It seemed that the little ones were satisfied by my new diet and it enabled me to grow stronger.

"I actually feel better about allowing you to try a natural child birth at this point," Carlisle smiled at me after he moved the ultrasound wand over my now fairly large tummy. "It seems the true nature of the pregnancy is finally revealing itself."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Would you like to know the gender?" He offered enticingly.

"Ohhh," I replied excitedly, "I do! But if you don't, Edward, we can wait a couple days." I looked over to him.

"I want to know too. I'm not a big fan of surprises." Edward admitted with that familiar smirk. It's hard to describe how wonderful it was to be like this and have his support this time- all their support for that matter.

"This one here on the left is a boy, and to the right is a little girl."

I heard a shriek from down the hall and the room was filled instantly with the rest of the family.

"We just couldn't wait any longer Bella," Alice squealed.

"I'm so happy for you both." Esme walked up beside Carlisle and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as he held the ultrasound wand still.

"Why still brown and green?" Alice demanded.

"Because Edward is everything green," I replied. "When I first moved to Forks, I hated greens; so damp, wet and cold. But then I met Edward and green was everything good in my life. It was home, it was hope and it was love."

Almost as if we had rehearsed it Edward answered the other half, "Bella is everything warm, nurturing and lovely. Brown is everything good in my life," he affirmed looking deep into my eyes.

The room was quiet for only a few moments before Alice spoke again, "Well, I suppose if it means that much to you two I can work with greens and browns."

"Thanks Alice," I said.

"Have you thought of names yet?" Esme asked.

"We haven't talked about names yet, I guess we should soon," I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"Well, honestly everything looks good," Carlisle removed the ultrasound wand and turned off the machine after handing me some towels to wipe the jelly off my tummy. "Based on the samples I've been studying, the babies are more human than vampire, which is why you haven't needed as many feedings as I had originally planned for."

"It wasn't like that before, was it?" I asked the awkward question.

"No," Carlisle answered, "this is different. I think it has to do with the fertility drugs you took- I think they somehow made your human DNA stronger or the vampire DNA weaker. Either way it appears the stronger human DNA is dominant; making them more like you than us. As such your body is more able to support them."

"So when can we deliver?" Edward asked Carlisle seriously.

"The babies are term and we can deliver when you're ready; as early as tomorrow." Carlisle suggested.

"I'm ready," I answered, although I was uncertain if I really was.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I thought it was awkward before when Carlisle and Edward had to do my check ups.

This was beyond awkward. I quickly learned there was no shame in child birth.

Not that I really cared about any of that at the moment, I just hadn't realized how much they would be- well- in my personal space.

The epidural helped a lot, but it was still child birth. I had debated doing the epidural early on knowing there were risks, but Edward assured me with vampire precision, it was perfectly safe. Honestly it didn't take much convincing after the first couple hours.

"Push, Bella, push." Carlisle urged, "Harder, harder, harder, five, four three, two, one, and breathe."

I let out all the air in my lungs in a loud _woosh_ and laid back on the pillows for a moment. I was exhausted. Edward wiped a cloth across my face and fussed over my vitals.

"She's fine Edward," Carlisle preempted another bout of Edward's worrying.

"We're almost there," Alice chimed in from beside the medical type bassinets that were on stand-by, already warming up. "I can see them," her eyes seemed to drift off.

Edward got a huge smile as he read back her vision and I was suddenly very jealous that he got to see them before I did.

The jealousy didn't last long because another hard contraction came then. I groaned and grunted as I reached up to hold my legs and bear down as I had been coached. It was Edward this time who urged on my pushing as he and Esme helped support my legs.

It seemed like he wasn't going to let me stop pushing when finally Carlisle spoke, "Head is out, one more push Bella."

This was it, my babies where here. It was all so overwhelming.

Only a few moments later, there was a baby on my stomach resting her little head on my chest. She wasn't crying, but Carlisle and Edward both assured me she was fine. I only got to hold her for a few moments before I felt my next contraction come on. Alice quickly swooped in and I went back to work.

Fifteen minutes later there was a little baby boy lying on one side of my chest who was quickly joined by his sister. I half expected Edward to take one and looked at him expectantly.

"I'll hold them later love, right now it's better for them to be there; close their mom and her heart," He gave me a smile.

_Mom?_ I was a mother. I liked the sound of that.

Epilogue

Gain and loss. Hope and despair. Love and hate. Life and death.

They were all connected, and in a sense one didn't exist without the other.

Grace Madison Cullen was born December 12th 2008 at 4:18 p.m. shortly followed by Brandon Clarence Cullen at 4:33p.m.

Carlisle was right: they were more human than vampire. It was a hidden blessing. Though I realized that being human mean they were mortal, it also meant the Volturi took no interest in them at all. We easily walked out of Volterra only days later and left for home with a promise that I would be turned once I had physically recovered from the pregnancy, once I had lost the extra pounds. I was extremely grateful for Aro's leniency as I really didn't want to spend eternity in this post-baby shape.

Things fell into a crazy schedule once we got home. They say it takes a village to raise children, and it was lucky for me I had a supernatural one at my disposal.

Two months after we got back, Edward drove me into Port Angeles for a quiet date night at the Bella Italia. The words he said to me that night stuck with me forever.

"I love you Bella. I have made mistakes and don't deserve you, but you are all I have ever wanted and all I will ever want. With this ring," Edward pulled out the ring I had left behind so many months ago, "I promised to spend eternity with you and I still wish to do exactly that. You would make me the happiest person in the world if you accepted it once again and I will spend forever earning back your love. Please, will you stay?"

Edward's face was full of emotion and even a little pain. "Edward," I took his face in my hands, "I made my choice a while back when I came home to you. I love you and that has not changed." I took the ring from him and placed it back on my finger where it belonged. "My mom told me something very wise when I was with her in Florida. She said, 'Forgiveness cannot be earned, it has to be given.' I think she was right. And just because I've finally forgiven you doesn't mean that it was ok, it only means that we've moved on and made our peace. I will stay with you _forever._"

That was my last night human. Three agonizing days later I awoke to a new world. Edward and I had found peace, happiness and family. Though the trials and fire we both endured were harsh to say the least, the rewards we and joy we received in the end were overwhelming.

Matthew 5: 3-10

Blessed are the poor in spirit,  
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  
Blessed are those who mourn,  
for they will be comforted.  
Blessed are the meek,  
for they will inherit the earth.  
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,  
for they will be filled.  
Blessed are the merciful,  
for they will be shown mercy.  
Blessed are the pure in heart,  
for they will see God.  
Blessed are the peacemakers,  
for they will be called sons of God.  
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,  
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

The End.

**Author's Note: Well I hope you all enjoyed the story and thank you to everyone who has left reviews, added this story and me to their favorites. HopingForLove has been a great beta and helped me keep this story on track and fix my mistakes- thanks so very very much! **

**Yes I plan on writing more, I working on a short story now called, "Be the Match." Keep an eye out for it over the next few weeks! Thanks again and please leave your final thoughts- ohh and did you catch the significance in the names? Clarence doesn't hold any significance except to me, but the other three do! **


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